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29 Thoughts I Had During The First Episode Of "Bake Off" 2016

"I LOVE SWALLOWS."

1. Wait WAIT wait WAIT a second. The first line of Bake Off 2016 is a joke about a sex toy? Amazing.

2. I have experienced this problem.

3. Same.

4. Same.

5. This is me sliding into your DMs.

6. Me seeing Selasi for the first time.

7. Paul: "We will make the challenges easier, by making it harder, by making it easier, by making it harder." Great.

8. I wonder if any of the contestants have watched previous episodes and picked up any tips.

9. Yep, they all have watched previous episodes.

10. Hopefully, the bakers have learnt that anything could be interpreted as a sexual innuen... They haven't.

11. At least they're not doing anything visually that could be interpreted as a sexu–...

12. Meanwhile, Val has won Bake Off 2016.

13. Selasi is becoming one of those people who turns up one minute before the exam is over, writes three words, and then passes all of his exams with an A*.

14. This is what your exam essay was like.

15. They're making jaffa cakes for the technical challenge! This looks like it would be fun and simple.

16. You know what? I'll go to the shops.

17. Meanwhile, Val has won Bake Off 2016.

18. This facial expression when Paul says her jaffa cakes are "uniform...ly bad" is everything.

19. There's something about the sound of this cake hitting the side of the tent that is weirdly enticing.

20. Michael from university is going one step up from alcohol and is getting Mary to try some "grass."

21. I think this contestant loves swallows. I don't know.

22. This show should have ended half an hour ago.

23. And why are there not enough freezers?

24. HAS THIS SHOW LEARNED NOTHING OVER THE YEARS?

25. Sue is also now confirmed as the person who helps the baker who inevitably cries in the first episode.

26. Such a shame that her "mirror on a mirror reflecting into a mirror looking into a mirror of a mirror opposite a mirror eating a mirror in a hallway of mirrors" didn't work.

27. #WeWantPlates

28. But at least Star Baker went to the one who I can't remember anything they did in the show whatsoever.

29. If you want the first episode of Bake Off summed up in a GIF, let it be this. Only this.