Two years ago, I decided to live-tweet myself reading E.L. James' Grey, which is the original Fifty Shades of Grey book but written from the perspective of Christian Grey. There were many excerpts like this:
The book also had the most insane chapter opening:
The sequel to that book, Darker, is out today. And yeah, if you've read it before it feels quite familiar.
But then I stumbled across a particularly ridiculous passage. It's this bit in the book where Christian Grey and Ana decide to have sex halfway through making a stir-fry.
When I tweeted it, a lot of people picked up on this.
Many people then talked openly about how, in the midst of the passion and sexual energy in the room, food hygiene was of the highest priority.
@hugorifkind @jamesrbuk "Put the chicken in the fridge" is an odd request, but it's nice to know cleanliness standa… https://t.co/jrUFpBmAMf
@jamesrbuk Nothing is sexier than good food hygiene
@jamesrbuk @TheMichaelMoran @scottygb That chicken is raw, I hope she put it on the bottom shelf.
@scottygb I hope that chicken is on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator as per @US_FDA 👇🍗advicehttps://www.fda.gov… https://t.co/7r1X8vOMnZ
Then on Twitter a debate was sparked on whether Christian and Ana washed their hands at any point.
At the same time there was a debate about gas hobs.
@scottygb 'With a twist, I switch off the gas.' WITH A TWIST.
@scottygb Switching off the gas is good practice but putting the chicken in the fridge seems quite excessive.
Also, there was this.
@anitathetweeter who peels french beans?!
Then, in a dramatic twist, we found out Christian Grey has never cut up a vegetable before.
And he is totally shit at cutting up peppers.
Later on, when all the sex had all come to a fun end, there was this chat about iPads and "the Coldplay".
It led to this very good question on Twitter.
@scottygb Who the hell listens to songs on an iPad?
As for the rest of the book, there's a bit more plot in this one, but there's also a lot of this...
"My cock twitches in approval."
"She groans and tilts her pelvis, compressing my hardening denim-clad cock."
"I don't want fucking tea. I want to bury myself in you."
And then there's this very intense paragraph about having sex with ice cream as a sexual aid.
Oh holy shit Christian Grey is about to get sexy with some Ben and Jerry’s
