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There Is So Much Death In "Hollyoaks" It Is Unbelievable

Someone died in Hollyoaks while I was writing this article.

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Have you ever noticed...

...that there's a fuckload of death in Hollyoaks?

That's Maddie being killed by a falling car door in Hollyoaks in 2012.
Channel 4 / Line Pictures / Via youtube.com

That's Maddie being killed by a falling car door in Hollyoaks in 2012.

Whenever a Hollyoaks death was in the news, we would mention it on Slack, our work chatroom.

Apologies for the typo. I still regret "ridicukous" to this day.
BuzzFeed / Slack

Apologies for the typo. I still regret "ridicukous" to this day.

The deaths, and speculation of death, happens time and time and time and time and time again.

BuzzFeed / Slack

Every time a person from Hollyoaks did anything not in Hollyoaks, we would always joke about it.

We've been talking about it for about 18 months now.
Slack / BuzzFeed

We've been talking about it for about 18 months now.

Then one day I came across this page on Wikipedia.

A Wikipedia of all of the modern deaths on Hollyoaks.
en.wikipedia.org

A Wikipedia of all of the modern deaths on Hollyoaks.

It contains many fun death anecdotes like this.

For example, Ash and Doug were killed when a bomb was mistakenly brought by Clare to a house party.

You read that right.
Channel 4 / Lime Pictures / Via youtube.com

You read that right.

Then there's this one.

So I checked it out and it actually happened.

She died while the wedding photos were being taken.
Channel 4 / Lime Pictures / Via youtube.com

She died while the wedding photos were being taken.

Then there's 2006.

So I checked it out and yes, that did happen.

Channel 4 / Lime Pictures / Via youtube.com

2015 was quite a year.

Spoiler alert: The injections were by this woman on the left.

She is also now dead. RIP.
Channel 4 / Lime Pictures / Via youtube.com

She is also now dead. RIP.

And then there's poor Mrs Burke.

How could the cause of your death be "unknown"?
en.wikipedia.org

How could the cause of your death be "unknown"?

Some of the deaths don't really contrast that well with the closing music from Hollyoaks afterwards.

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com

That's Nathan, who died in February from falling from scaffolding.

Two weeks ago, we wrote a post about John Paul McQueen (James Sutton) leaving Hollyoaks, and the goddamn brilliant mid-noughties indie affair he had with Craig (Guy Burnet).

Channel 4 / Lime Pictures

Underneath that article we received this comment.

Of course. How silly of us.
buzzfeed.com

Of course. How silly of us.

So, how many deaths are in Hollyoaks? Well, Digital Spy researched it and found that there are 2.45 murders every single year.

THAT'S 2.45 MURDERS EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
digitalspy.com

THAT'S 2.45 MURDERS EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

Then there are these YouTube videos that do Hollyoaks death countdowns as if it is Top of the Pops.

This is a fan video.
youtube.com

This is a fan video.

And in the time that it has taken me to write this article someone on Hollyoaks has been literally murdered.

FFS.
Channel 4 / Lime Pictures / Via Twitter: @Hollyoaks

FFS.

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    Not enough death.
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    Just about the right amount of death.
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