1. There was that one day, that one glorious day, when you heard about the free coffee at Waitrose.
You decided to try it out for yourself, and you were like, "This is a nice treat. I should do this more often."
2. Before you know it you are going to Waitrose every day just to get free coffee.
"It's on the way to work."
3. There are 10 supermarkets between where you live and Waitrose but you still titting go anyway.
4. You get the free coffee at the start of your shopping (because you are too excited to wait a bit) but you then have to try not to burn yourself.
You also contemplate doing your entire week's shopping in about six minutes because if you took much longer your coffee wouldn't be at the right temperature.
5. And then you have to drink your coffee wandering aimlessly outside, because you can't drink it inside or while driving a car.
6. Going to Waitrose every day makes you skint so you try to get in and out as cheaply as possible.
7. One day you freak out because you haven't got this card on you so you have to spend £1.85.
8. When you heard the news that John Lewis was axing its free coffee you had a heart attack...
9. You don't believe this (but you got worried in case others found out about the free coffee).
10. And then, one rather horrifying day, you start to experience "a queue" for the machine.
11. The next day there's a longer queue, so you act like you aren't in the queue when you are.
12. After the 10th day you stop caring what people think of you waiting. You now have no shame.
You also have no job because you stopped turning up to work on time.
13. Then one day you notice that there isn't a queue.
You get closer to it... OH DEAR GOD NO.
The other horrifying scenario: "This coffee machine is currently being cleaned."