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How Waitrose Are You?

Are you in the "posh food, free coffee" club or are you just pretending to be in the "posh food, free coffee" club?

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  1. 1. Why do you shop at Waitrose?

    Edward Smith/EMPICS Entertainment
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    It is the closest supermarket in my area.
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    It has all the food products that I need.
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    The customer service is good.
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    It makes me feel smug and posh.
  2. 2. How long are you prepared to wait for the free coffee?

    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    0–1 minutes.
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    1–15 minutes.
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    15 minutes–10 days.
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    I do not like the coffee :(
  3. 3. The coffee queue has finally cleared. If you had to get a coffee which one would it be?

    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    A black coffee.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    A black coffee.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    A cappuccino.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    A cappuccino.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    A latte.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    A latte.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    Hot water (for making tea).
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Hot water (for making tea).
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  4. 4. Which one of these completely inessential Waitrose items are you most likely to purchase?

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    Essential Waitrose profiteroles.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose profiteroles.
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    Essential Waitrose rosemary and sea salt focaccia.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose rosemary and sea salt focaccia.
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    Essential Waitrose chocolate chip brioche rolls.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose chocolate chip brioche rolls.
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    Essential Waitrose indian tonic water.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose indian tonic water.
  5. 5. And which of these are you most likely to buy?

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    Bog-standard Waitrose milk.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Bog-standard Waitrose milk.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    Or how about this Waitrose DUCHY ORGANIC milk?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Or how about this Waitrose DUCHY ORGANIC milk?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  6. 6. Which pasta sauce?

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    Loyd Grossman tomato and smoked bacon sauce.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Loyd Grossman tomato and smoked bacon sauce.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    Or this stupidly posh looking soffritto passata?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Or this stupidly posh looking soffritto passata?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  7. 7. Which jam are you going to buy?

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    This plain Waitrose essentials strawberry jam?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    This plain Waitrose essentials strawberry jam?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    OR THIS STRAWBERRY CHAMPAGNE JAM GIVEN TO YOU BY THE GODS?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    OR THIS STRAWBERRY CHAMPAGNE JAM GIVEN TO YOU BY THE GODS?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  8. 8. And how about the smoked salmon?

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    Essential Scottish smoked salmon.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Essential Scottish smoked salmon.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    Or this Heston LAPSANG SOUCHONG WTF salmon?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Or this Heston LAPSANG SOUCHONG WTF salmon?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  9. 9. Importantly, we need to get some loo roll.

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    Do you get this environmental Waitrose recycled paper?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Do you get this environmental Waitrose recycled paper?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    OR THIS CASHMERE QUILTED TOILET ROLL?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    OR THIS CASHMERE QUILTED TOILET ROLL?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  10. 10. How about some cheese?

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    Will you get this English medium cheddar?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Will you get this English medium cheddar?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    Or this "savoury and piquant" manchego sheep's milk cheese?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Or this "savoury and piquant" manchego sheep's milk cheese?
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  11. 11. Next, let's get some custard.

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    Ambrosia Devon custard.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Ambrosia Devon custard.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    Seriously creamy Madagascan vanilla custard.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Seriously creamy Madagascan vanilla custard.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  12. 12. What sort of bacon do you want?

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    This unsmoked British bacon.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    This unsmoked British bacon.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    Waitrose Duchy ORGANIC bacon.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
    Waitrose Duchy ORGANIC bacon.
    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
  13. 13. And which of these inessential Waitrose items do you find the most essential?

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    Essential Waitrose parmigiano reggiano.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose parmigiano reggiano.
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    Essential Waitrose ratatouille provencale.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose ratatouille provencale.
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    Essential Waitrose ironing water.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose ironing water.
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    Essential Waitrose sandalwood and see moss body wash.
    waitrose.com
    Essential Waitrose sandalwood and see moss body wash.
  14. 14. You are waiting in the queue to pay right now.

    Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed
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    YES – I NEED TO USE IT TO CLAIM MY FREE COFFEE.
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    YES – I use it even if I don't get a discount.
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    No – I did have it, but I lost it. It's my ultimate middle-class woe.
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    No – what is a myWaitrose card? WHY DON'T I HAVE ONE?
  15. 15. Which one of these names would you call your child?

    Jon Super / Press Association
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    Orlando.
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    Rafferty
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    Duncan.
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    Samantha.
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