Stressed? Frustrated? Two hearts beating too fast?
Then listen to this tape and everything will be OK.
"WELCOME TO DALEK RELAXATION FOR HUMANS."
"TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN THROUGH YOUR NOSE."
"NOW EXHALE. THROUGH YOUR MOUTH."
"SOFTLY."
"FOCUS ON SLOWING DOWN YOUR BREATHING."
"INTO A CALM RHYTHM."
"INHALE."
"YOU ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE CALM."
"EXHALE."
"YOU ARE FEELING MORE AND MORE RELAXED."
"INHALE."
"CALM."
"EXHALE."
"RELAXED."
"INHALE. CALM."
"EXHALE. RELAXED."
"INHALE. CALM."
"EXHALE. RELAXED."
"CONTINUE TO BREATH SLOWLY AND CALMLY."
"THE ACHES AND STRESSES OF DAILY LIFE ARE FLOATING AWAY."
"YOUR TENSION HAS BEEN EXTERMINATED."
"EXTERMINATED."
Thanks to @Glinner and @IBwan for bringing this to our attention.
Follow Peter Serafinowicz at @serafinowicz.