1. The media will show loads of jumping girls.
People *excitably* jumping.
3. After reading a lot about this lack of jumping equality, you will feel proud when you see a boy jumping.
8. While bashing together these stories, yet again.
9. If you are receiving your A-levels and you haven’t collected your results yet, you will get these adverts.
10. Meanwhile, old people in journalism will say that things were much harder in their day.
You think: “My exams were hard and I bloody well tried. STOP.”
12. With lovely inspiring replies like this.
Disclaimer: Samuel “Snarky” Harrison Junior doesn’t exist.
13. Perhaps you’ll be able to get away from it all by turning on your favourite radio station? No.
This may be intended to help, but the only thing everyone will hear is “PANIC STATIONS.”
It will be followed by adverts for the University of North Southeast Milton Keynes.
15. But then you’ll get your results and feel weird because you start involuntarily hugging people.
But at least you WILL NOT jump.