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Every Food On The Malone Family Cushion In “Googlebox”, Analysed

After I spotted this whilst watching Gogglebox, I decided to document every food we see. I really hope this wasn't a waste of time.

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1. Five or six doughnuts (possibly jam - unconfirmed).

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

2. Five muffins presented on a red plate (likely plain).

Uneaten. Who wants plain muffins?
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Uneaten. Who wants plain muffins?

3. Selection of sweets in medium sized perspex bowl.

It is just wonderful that they decant everything.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

It is just wonderful that they decant everything.

4. Mystery box.

We would like to assume biscuits, but this is difficult territory.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

We would like to assume biscuits, but this is difficult territory.

5. A BROWN Mystery Box.

Interestingly, from the same episode. Possibly chocolate biscuits.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Interestingly, from the same episode. Possibly chocolate biscuits.

6. Selection box of Viennese biscuits (box is in mint condition so it suggests that it is not opened yet).

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

7. Bakewell tarts or Party Rings? This requires public consultation to get to the bottom of this right now.

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com
  1. What do you think these are?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Bakewell tarts
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Party Rings
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Neither
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What do you think these are?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Bakewell tarts
  2.  
    vote votes
    Party Rings
  3.  
    vote votes
    Neither

8. Large slabs of chocolate cake presented on flat plate (likely to be homemade due to cake's height).

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

9. The rubbish quality street that nobody likes.

Probably green triangle flavoured. God those are the worst.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Probably green triangle flavoured. God those are the worst.

10. Half a plate of battenburg cakes and a biscuit or American style cookies (requires investigation).

If you know, please send me an email to scott.bryan@buzzfeed.com with the subject "cookie" or "biscuit" or "Why are you doing this article, Scott?"
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

If you know, please send me an email to scott.bryan@buzzfeed.com with the subject "cookie" or "biscuit" or "Why are you doing this article, Scott?"

11. One mini roll OR chocolate wafer biscuits (including chocolate bar that contains a mini egg topping).

I'm not Sherlock for fuck sake.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

I'm not Sherlock for fuck sake.

12. Several unopened biscuits decanted into a bowl.

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

13. Six different varieties of chocolate bars decanted into a bowl (approximately twenty bars in total).

Please don't scroll down this article at a warp speed to its conclusion. I believe in you. Keep going. Please read all content.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Please don't scroll down this article at a warp speed to its conclusion. I believe in you. Keep going. Please read all content.

14. A selection of what looks like light cakes (speculation that these are French fancies but not).

If you are sure, please contact the French to confirm.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

If you are sure, please contact the French to confirm.

15. Tunnock teacakes presented in a bowl along with possibly snowballs (or wrapped in tissue?)

Yes, I am a journalist and this is my job.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Yes, I am a journalist and this is my job.

16. Four caramel wafers (and some blue ones that look like they've got the word PENIS on them).

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

17. Three large donuts on a luxurious paper square.

Whispers softly into your ear: "luxxxxxxxxxxuuuuurrrrryyyyy."
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Whispers softly into your ear: "luxxxxxxxxxxuuuuurrrrryyyyy."

18. One packet of tissues - unconfirmed what brand.

I hope you are satisfied.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

I hope you are satisfied.

19. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE?

Also why would you buy two listing magazines for the same week?
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Also why would you buy two listing magazines for the same week?

20. Possibly mince pies but actually might be lemon curd pies as this scene was not at Christmas.

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com
  1. Lemon curd or mince pies?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Lemon curd.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Mince pie.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Please stop.
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Lemon curd or mince pies?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Lemon curd.
  2.  
    vote votes
    Mince pie.
  3.  
    vote votes
    Please stop.

21. I don't know.

I don't care now.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

I don't care now.

22. A remote control (probably Freeview).

Guys.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Guys.

23. Why the hell did I decide to do this?

I guess Percy Pigs. The fizzy kind. Not the best ones.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

I guess Percy Pigs. The fizzy kind. Not the best ones.

24. All your hopes and dreams.

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

25. And halfway through series four... Oh my god.

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

This cannot be real.

Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

Oh my god.

When you woke up this morning I bet you didn't think you would end up looking at a heavily zoomed in picture of a sofa cushion.
Studio Lambert / Via channel4.com

When you woke up this morning I bet you didn't think you would end up looking at a heavily zoomed in picture of a sofa cushion.

Update: When I published this I got this tweet.

Shortly followed by this.

CORRECTION

We have been alerted to the fact that the Quality Street is not for consumption. It actually contains a sewing kit. Thanks to everyone who pointed this out.

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