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Believe It Or Not, There Is A Worse Dating Show Than "Take Me Out"

It is called Stand by Your Man, it is on Channel 5, and it is a nightmare.

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You know Take Me Out. A bit cheeky, a bit terrible.

Take Me Out / FreeMantleMedia / itv.com

Well, now Channel 5 has got its own version. It is called Stand by Your Man. The format is eerily similar to Take Me Out (a load of girls decide which guy to go on a date with), but trust me, Stand by Your Man is so so so so SO much worse.

If you watch an episode I guarantee that you will end up considering Take Me Out the Waitrose of British dating shows. Here's why.

On Stand by Your Man the guys enter by walking through what seems to be a slightly confused café.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

Your reaction: "HMMMM... Stand by Your Man doesn't have a big budget."

They then stand next to the selfie they find the fittest.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

That's why the show is called "Stand by Your Man". GEDDIT??!?!?

You, meanwhile, start despairing. Surely there's more to love than just looks, right?

On Stand by Your Man a round starts with this.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

A rotating bed with one of the contestants on it either pouting or looking extremely uncomfortable, followed by a girl asking deeply personal questions.

4. Take Me Out contains a bit of sexual innuendo.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

You know, it's on at a family-friendly time, you don't want to be crude because the viewer ends up feeling like they actually need a wash afterwards, etc.

On Stand by Your Man the bloke who gets the most girls queuing by him gets the date at the end of the show.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

This reinforces the idea that the only way you're going to find love is by being the hottest, dropping the right sexual innuendos in the right fashion, and being the one other people seem to find the most genuinely attractive.

Is there any room for finding love with just that one person and not giving a toss about what anyone else thinks? No. There is not. And this makes you mad.

Stand by Your Man is on Channel 5 on Fridays at 11.30pm.

You have been warned.

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