So, last year, I decided to watch A Christmas Prince, a Netflix holiday film so bad it basically fixed my 2017.
And when a sequel was released a couple of weeks ago, I decided I had to watch it. Needless to say, I found a few problems. This post contains spoilers.
1. The film starts with Amber at her computer writing a blog post with the worst headline I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
14. We are now hearing the news that Amber’s previous employer, Beat Now magazine, has closed down. I guess that interview with “Pop Singer” didn’t lift sales.
22. Now Princess Emily is telling Amber that what the people of Aldovia want right now is a big Christmas tree for the royal garden. Not sure how well it will resonate with the population, who are moaning about not having jobs or money.
23. Now a Christmas performance by Princess Emily has been cancelled because workers have gone on general strike and the entire country’s power has gone out! We are now meant to feel bad, but it has nothing to do with their plight...
24. No...now Princess Emily cannot kiss a boy she fancies.
25. How dare the Aldovian people be so selfish.
26. But never mind the poverty. Let’s cut to Amber and Richard finding their perfect Christmas tree. Amber has such great advice about men and trees.
28. I genuinely went to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and now I have no idea what on earth is happening.
29. The royal family’s publicist has now censored Amber’s blog.
30. And the mood has got even bleaker because of the Christmas card the family has just received.
38. Amber then meets with a source. Here are her notes after a long interview about a company called Meadowlark, which is engaged in something fishy.
40. Still, could be worse — remember the first film.
43. Then again, five minutes ago she accidentally nearly killed two of her best friends with a bow and arrow and she didn’t care about this either.
44. Princess Emily puts herself forward as the hacker. Princess Emily’s hacking abilities have never been addressed before in A Christmas Prince.
50. When he threatens legal action, Amber decides it is entirely appropriate to respond by threatening to kill him with a bow and arrow before he leaves the room.
51. The corruption across the entire country has been solved in 10 seconds.
52. Everyone in the country is now rich.
53. There are 12 minutes until the end of the film and we still haven’t got to the royal wedding yet in A Christmas Prince: A Royal Wedding.
54. Actually, being British and all, not sure I can withstand watching my third royal wedding of the year.
55. Oh, it’s the wedding.
56. Princess Emily appears to be a DJ.
57. And there’s a conga now.
58. This is exhausting.