1. I'm going to go to pop into Westfield. It's just to return one item. This won't take time. I promise. We will be in and out in no time. I swear.
2. Why are you crying? It's not going to be that bad.
3. Seriously, it won't be that bad. It's Saturday 2pm. It won't even be busy.
4. Let's go in. Like I said, it will be totally quiet and I don' see wha-
5. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. OH GOD. WE WERE TOGETHER. WHERE DID YOU GO?
7. I love you. Everything will be OK. I love you.
8. We're inside we're inside. We're safe. You're OK. I love you. You're OK.
9. So I think the store we need is over there. I mean I can't see the exact store in front of me, but I'm convinced it's there. I'm totally convinced.
10. Stop asking me if I'm sure that it's this way. I'm really sure that it is.
11. Look, I'm really sure. I was here exactly two months ago.
12. Where the hell is it?
13. Oh wait. That was the other Westfield. The big, other one.
14. Why do people stand still on both sides of the escalator? Isn't that illegal?
15. Why is the man in front stop walking so slowly?
16. Why is everyone not moving faster?
17. No, don't go to the left, person in front, I'm aiming on going to the left.
18. No, don't go to the right FFS.
19. Why would anyone be here longer than they actually should?
20. Who would even think of having a pint here?
21. Why does Westfield look like it was designed in a fit of panic?
22. Why does the architecture and feel of this place make me feel uncomfortable about every aspect of modern international capitalist consumerism?
23. Did you just hear that? THERE'S FREE TASTINGS IN THE FOOD COURT.
24. No sorry, I do not want to sign up to a new pay TV subscription thank you.
25. No sorry, I do not want to go and change my gas and heating provider right now.
26. No sorry, I do not want to try on this perfume I've never heard of. I'm here to return a pan and restore a friendship with someone who wants to kill me.
27. Oh I'm receiving a phone call. Hang on.
28. Oh you're at Westfield too! That's great. I'm having such a hellish time. Shall we meet up in 30 minutes for coffee?
29. Oh you're at the other Westfield.
30. Brilliant.
31. LET'S ALL GO TO THE FOOD COURT.
32. OH GOD LOOK AT THE FOOD COURT.
33. So there seems to be approximately 8374 restaurants that we can eat at.
34. OK I've paid for our meal. They've given us one of the vibrating pagers that will you immediately when your meal is ready.
35. Has it gone off yet? NO IT HASN'T.
36. Why did we come hear again? I can't actually remember why we're here.
37. Oh they've got those recharge points for your mobile phone. That'll be handy.
38. Oh wait. Every single of them is being used at the moment. Brilliant.
39. Is it daylight? I mean, was it daylight when we actually started to come in?
40. Why have you and I suddenly bought twelve things we don't need?
41. Right I think you and I should head for the big exit. Are you ready?
42. Just so you know, in case we don't make it, I love you and I always will love you.
43. Here we go.
44. One last push. Do it for me.
45. AARRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!HH!H!H!H!H!H!H!HHHH.
46. It have been could be worse. We could have been on the high street.
47. Or it could have been Boxing Day.
Dante's version of Hell vs Boxing Day at Westfield. :-/ (via @Solocypher @LouiseCosmoEd)