1. DON'T decide to steal a traffic sign while drunk.
2. Don't go crazy over communal milk.
Why? During the first few days at university you will decide to be BEST FRIENDS with everyone (bar that scary woman). You will decide to share the entire contents of the fridge, all of the utensils in the cupboard, and *whispers* all of your secrets. Then someone will screw it all up, and you will start keeping mayonnaise in your bedroom at all times.
You can share some things now; just don’t get mad when the communal milk is used up and nobody has bought a new one even though “you all made an agreement about who will next pay for the milk”, because it’s weird.
3. Don't decide to sit outside the communal washing machine waiting for your laundry to be done.
4. Don't be jealous of universities with bigger acts performing at their Freshers' Ball.
Why? Because any cynicism in your bones will instantly disappear when you nearly wet your pants in excitement as two members from B*Witched take the stage, shortly to be followed by a Bradley S Club DJ set. Trust me on this.
5. Don't listen to older students who are like this.
6. Don't let that whole "you must find a second year housemate right now" thing take control of your life.
7. Don't buy these posters at the campus poster sale.
Why? You will purchase them thinking it will show to others that you are a creative individual. Then you'll go round everyone's halls and see the same posters and have to say, "Oh, you like Trainspotting too, huh?"
8. Ignore those "hottest campus look" mag articles.
Why? By week three you're going to be wearing whatever keeps you warm. By week six you'll want to wear something that makes you completely blend into the background during the seminar so the tutor doesn't recognise you and ask about a book you haven't read yet. By week ten you'll be in such a state that you literally won't give a toss what people think of you. You will feel invincible.
9. Don't take the "how many TV licence death threats can I receive before I ring them?" challenge.
Why? You'll receive a TV licence letter in your first 15 minutes of arriving at university. If you need a TV licence, pay. If you don't, don't then decide to see how long you can put it off before you start getting the letters with the red borders of death, which are then followed by one that says "WE WILL COME ROUND YOUR HOUSE". You will cry and you will ring up in a panic. You will.