I love democracy. I think the process is one of the most enlightened experiences we get to participate in these days, so I wanted to be sure to get to my polling place early this morning.
Despite what I’d heard on the radio, there were no long lines at my polling place in Brooklyn. A cop asked me to stop taking pictures, but otherwise things went smooth.
Inside, there was only one other lady in line to vote in my district. I’m pretty sure she voted for Obama, because she was wearing an Obama hat and an Obama shirt. When she was done, I got in the hilariously ancient voting booth, and after spending 10 minutes re-reading the instructions, made my choice. I’m not going to tell you who I voted for, but here’s a dramatic recreation of what my vote might have looked like.
And just like that, I’d voted. I love the democratic process1! I felt a mixture of elation and sorrow -- a strange kind of let down after all these months of build up, like I'd given birth to a child. So I decided it was time to celebrate having done my civic duty in the most American way of all -- by demanding free stuff. My first stop was lovely Penn Station.
My Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch still tasted like at least 270 electoral votes.
From there I swung by Border Burrito. I didn’t read anything in the news about them having free burritos for voters, but I learned that this was because Border Burrito has gone out of business. I assume it had to do with the credit crisis.
Two more quick stops before heading to work. Starbucks gave up on their plan to give out coffee to voters (apparently, it violates voting laws in some states), but that just free coffee for everybody. I asked if there had been a lot of people ordering free coffee, and my barista gave me the broken, uninterested shrug that can only mean “it sickens me.”
It somehow seems worth noting here that Starbucks was the only place I waited in line all day, and this includes my polling location. These guys were all really psyched about the free coffee, and they took it with a lot of sugar and milk.
From there, just one more place to hit up: A sex toy shop, naturally. Babeland was offering a choice between two free sex toys, but I knew those would go fast. I quickened my pace and got there just in time to get the last free “Maverick”. I’m not exactly sure what it does. The sales lady said a lot of people had been there.
I learned a lot in my travels: That people love to vote, that they love voting more than free donuts or ice cream but less than free coffee or sex toys. Democracy is delicious!
How was YOUR election day?
I mostly like old, unpopular things, like from 2002. I'm also 102 years old.