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28 Birthday Cards To Send To Someone You Don't Like

Happy...birthday? A bunch of new ways to say how little you really care.

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1. - May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy

2. - May you live long enough to shit yourself

3. - May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.

4. - However old you are is the new 30

5. - I'm not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are

6. - Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers

7. - This is the perfect day to thank me for remembering your birthday

8. - If you were a Jehovah's Witness, I'd make sure no one tried to celebrate your unwanted pagan birthday

9. - Today's the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother's uterus

10. - I'd like to take you out for your birthday when it's convenient for me

11. - Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones

12. - Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed

13. - Happy Anniversary of Your 29th Birthday.

14. - Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.

15. - I'd be much more into your birthday if it was my birthday

16. - At least you're not as old as you will be next year.

17. - Happy Sweet Sixteen or multiple thereof

18. - You don't look a day over whatever age you were a few years ago

19. - Even if it was in haste, I'm glad your parents had unprotected sex around nine months prior to your birth date

20. - I don't remember or care how old you are but let's celebrate like you're 21

21. - Happy birthday to a very special cougar

22. - I remember when you weren't so disturbingly old

23. - You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday because I didn't get you anything for your birthday

24. - I hope you like this birthday ecard better than last year's text message

25. - Sorry your age means you're no longer the primary target of pop culture marketers

26. - Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs.

27. - I find it hard to believe your entire body was in a uterus at one point.

28. - I'm glad your mom didn't have a headache that night.

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