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Help Noel Land A Job At Mapco!

It's show time. You are in the back office with Shane. Can you wow him enough to land this miniumum wage-ish gig?

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  1. So let's start with the basics. Why do you want to work at Mapco?
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    "It's always been a passion of mine to stare at people while they buy Gatorade."
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    "I don't."
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    "I didn't study this hard in college to work at the Chevron station. Are you kidding me?"
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    Head butt the lottery ticket kiosk and yell "jackpot!"
  2. A robber comes in. What do you do?
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    "Oh, he is with me. That's why I am taking this job."
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    "I will lay down my life for this Mapco. I fully intend to get murdered here one way or another."
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    Hand interviewer your headshot and deliver a monologue you preapred from A Midsummer Night's Dream.
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    "I will use our costumers as a human shield while I secure all of our Frito Lays producs in the backroom safe."
  3. A big part of this job is asking "debit or credit" after someone swipes their card. Can I hear you say that back?
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    "Deb..da...doo...Debbie or.... um, Kratos?"
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    "I refuse to answer this question."
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    "WAH! It's Waluigi time!"
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    "I will not charge for items. Everything is free or I walk."
  4. Kids are always trying to sneak alcohol. Which one of these people should you ID?
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    "Come on brochado, my hoverboard is double parked. Sell me this alcohol so I can get my malt-liquor-and-Markiplier on."
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    "If I told you that I liked your body, would I hold it against you? Shit... I messed that up. Sorry, I get nervous when I am buying alcohol illegally."
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    "Noel, calm down. I think you accidently did acid in the breakroom. This is Mike. Stop petting me."
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    Trick question! I'd ID all of them regardless of if they are buying alcohol.
  5. Last question. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
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    "With any luck, 15 years older."
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    "According to that One Direction song, not knowing that you are beautiful IS what makes you beautiful. So by that logic, is it inheritly impossible to be both beautiful and self-aware?"
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    "Yes."
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    "By then, I hope to be the one on that end of the desk doing the interview. With myself."
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