Weeki Wachee Springs Is The MOST Florida Thing To Ever Exist In Florida

Also mermaids are real, and they've been hiding (performing) there for 70 years.

1. First off, they have Mermaids.

Sara Stringfellow

Mermaids who perform multiple musical shows, every day, completely underwater. Mermaids who used to stand out by the road in bikinis in the 50’s to wave in travelers, truckers, and tourists alike and invite them to experience their...attraction. The only thing more Florida than Mermaids would be a Jimmy Buffett concert—OH BUT WAIT, they've performed at a Jimmy Buffet concert too and will proudly show you all the receipts before each show.

2. They have Gators. Which your kids can pet.

Sara Stringfellow

3. They have Snakes. Which you can watch someone else pet.

Wildlife Trapper / Via wildlifetrapper.com

They'll also teach you a way better method of determining a poisonous snake from a nonpoisonous snake (forget the hella forced red-black-yellow rhyme everyone gets confused; If yellow and red touch, treat it like a stoplight and STAHP!)

4. They have River Boat Tours.

Sara Stringfellow

On a real river—not manmade— that’s fed by such a perfectly crystal blue underground spring, further north there's one called Crystal Springs River. The river stays the exact same temperature all year round, which makes it comparatively warmer than the ocean in the winter, which is very inviting to certain visitors such as…

5. MANATEES.

Weeki Wachee / Via weekiwachee.com

THEY HAVE MANATEES IN THAT RIVER. ADORABLE SEA COWS. YOU CAN KAYAK WITH THEM. YOU CAN PADDLE BOARD WITH THEM. I’LL STOP SCREAMING IN A SECOND.

6. Buccaneer Bay.

Sara Stringfellow

Which is a full-blown water park equipped sandy beaches and multiple slides that go into a heavily chlorinated po--, er, that same freshwater spring.

7. Chill af Turtles.

Sara Stringfellow

Who also enjoy swimming with you in the water park area.

8. Patriotism.

Sara Stringfellow

The park was built by a former Navy serviceman (who invented the breathing apparatus the mermaids use) and one of the musical numbers the mermaids perform is “Proud to be an American”; because if every state needs a way to show it's national pride, you know Florida is gonna represent with an all-aquatic USO show.

9. Gangster Peacocks.

Sara Stringfellow

Peacocks walk around the café like they own the place. Because they do; stop feeding them, they already know they run these streets and we’re all their b*tches.

10. The time-honored Florida tourist tradition of knocking off Disney without getting sued by Disney.

Sara Stringfellow

One of their shows about a “young mermaid” with an “animal sidekick” and “evil sea monster” trying to come between her and her "prince" goes through almost the same amount of legal acrobatics in the script as the mermaids do in the water, and if you watch it like it was produced by ClickHole it’s all that much more amusing.

11. MERMAID CAMP. FOR ADULTS.

Sara Stringfellow

You can sign up for their “Sirens of the Deep” MERMAID CAMP (ONE MORE TIME: MERMAID. CAMP.) where you too can learn how to perform like the sea ladies do. Well, maybe. The two-day camp for adults is already sold out for the year and they only open on years worth of registration at a time. Let me repeat that: the one for ADULTS is sold out. (I don't cry because I'm sad, I cry because I'm proud.)

12. A Truly Breathtaking Amount of Natural Beauty.

Sara Stringfellow

You have to admit for a “tourist attraction” it could not sit on prettier land. At first when I heard they did weddings at Weeki Wachee I imagined them to be the kitschiest of central Florida kitsch (which for the record- I am 100% for; please invite me, I'll bring the Key Lime Coconut Patties and wear all my shell necklaces.) But after actually touring through the insanely green nature walk and getting some chill time down stream, I found it really is a gorgeous park first and foremost, one I sincerely hope will be around and protected for another 71 years. (Also so I can have more time to nab a spot in that mermaid camp.)