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57 "Parks And Rec" Quotes That Make Perfect Instagram Captions

Treat yo self!

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1. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.

2. Treat yo self!

3. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal "usted."

4. Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

5. I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.

6. When life gives you lemons, you sell some of your grandma's jewelry and you go clubbin'.

7. I hate talking to people about things.

8. I am big enough to admit that I'm often inspired by myself.

9. One person's "annoying" is another person's "inspiring and heroic."

10. Alcohol is fun and delicious.

11. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it well.

12. 'Cause windows are the eyes to the house.

13. If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party.

14. Everything hurts and I'm dying.


15. Why don't you turn that frizown upsidizity.

16. Sophisticated with a hint of slutty.

17. You poetic, noble land mermaid.

18. Dude, shut up. That is awesome sauce.

19. I like your energy, hombre!

20. Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge.

21. Ovaries before brovaries.

22. ♪ Technically I'm homeless ♪

23. Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.

24. I am a party scientist. Welcome to my laboratory.

25. I know what things are.

26. My whole life is a giant mess and I love it.

27. Yes, I am a hunter, and it's "you" season.

28. Most people would say "the deets," but I say "the tails." Just another example of innovation.


29. I really am amazing.

30. When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.

31. I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.

32. I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.

33. Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons.

34. I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless, and nothing matters, and I’m always tired.

35. Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That’s impossible.

36. Calzones are pointless. They’re just pizza that’s harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.

37. Dress code: Black tie optional. Just like life.

38. I don't want to brag, but I've got a ton of experience with women being mad at me.

39. Oh no, no, no. I'm not lonely, I have me!

40. I really made love to the pooch on this one.

41. I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.

42. I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things.


43. You're as guilty as you are sexy.

44. I wanna take that cheese and do terrible things to it.

45. If we're both still single in an hour, let's get married.

46. Warning: High levels of swagger coming through.

47. Nothing matter. Life is garbage.

48. Everything hurts. Running is impossible.


50. I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are.

51. Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

52. You had me at "meat tornado."

53. You are a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox.

54. Twinkle, twinkle big star.

55. I guess some people object to powerful depictions of awesome ladies.

56. I'm super chill all the time!

57. I'm a goddess. A glorious, female warrior.

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