1. The Pretentious Music Hipster
You know EXACTLY who we are talking about. The ‘I have every album they ever wrote’ giving you a pretentious glare in the beer line hipster. Advice: AVOID these people and their judgmental stare of death.
2. The ‘Go Home You’re Drunk’ People
Some people don’t realize that ACL is a marathon not a race, and they go a little too hard…Best advice: just leave the drunk people alone, they will regret this blacked out experience in a couple of hours after they puke their brains out.
3. EDM Freaks
These people think it is ok to look like a half naked highlighter that took one to many shots before the concert. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. *NOTE: These people may wind up with the ‘Go Home Your Drunks’*
4. The ‘Im TOO Sexy For My Shirt’
You will find that many men whether they have abs chiseled from stone or not think they are too hot for the perfectly good shirt they have on. In fact they are a little confused at to why it isn’t appropriate to go shirtless right when you hit the park. We know that Texas weather is hot, but if you’re going to take it off, at least give it to one of the EDM Freaks to cover up with.
5. The Girl Who REFUSES To Use The Dreaded Porta Pottty.
We know that they are a a hub for germs, the stank of death, questionable toilet paper (if there is any), and the occasional used condom. But when you gotta go, you gotta go unless you are THAT girl who refuses to use the temple of doom. In fact you are going to drag your poor friends to a nearby restaurant (and when we say nearby we mean a good half mile walk), that is already crowded with other party poopers like you. Girl, you OWE your friends like 6 beers.
6. The Jabbermouth
These people WILL NOT SHUT UP during a show. It’s like the world will come to an apocalypse right at Zilker Park if they do not make a comment about how cute the ‘Im Too Sexy For My Shirt Guy’ looks without his shirt. Advice: Get your friend like 4 tacos and a beer before the show, so they are too consumed with eating to talk.
7. The Tree
These people are as tall as some trees in Zilker Park, however they are unaware of their giant like status. For people that are shorter or normal sized, these people can be doom to an ACL experience. Advice: Turn this into an opportunity to sit on the tall guys shoulders…WIN
8. The Girl Who HAS To Ride On Everyones Shoulders
Now there is a difference between riding on the 6 foot 8 guys shoulders to see, and just jumping on every guys shoulder because you can. STAWP, just STAWP.
9. The ‘MOVE B!$%H GET OUT THE WAY’ People.
These people think that they are high and mighty ACL royalty and must be at the front of ALL concerts. Unless you are incredibly short person who may not have a good view from the back or Princess Kate, than you need to CALM DOWN. *NOTE: these people will push, shove, and break out ninja like moves to be in the front. Watch out for collateral.*
10. The ‘This IS My Land As Claimed By My Obnoxiously Large Blanket’
Zilker Park is known for having people with their massive blankets spread out to mark their territory. You may ‘just wanna dance’ but watch the blanket bro. These people have saved prime dancing/raving/epic hipster (insert hipster thing here) space with their tent of a blanket and there is NO getting rid of them. WARNING these people can also double as Jabbermouths…
There are a ton of people that come to Austin for ACL, and we know some of them you may want to avoid. But in order to ensure a great ACL experience for yourself and others…try not to be one of the above mentioned people. Just enjoy yourself and those rad cargo pants, we promise not to judge you.
For more information about #unofficialACL events and other things happening outside the park check out www.unofficialacl.com and/or download the halfpastnow app for event on the go around you for FREE! (It’s probably the only Free thing you can get in the park)
- Donald Glover has been cast as Simba in Disney's remake of "The Lion King."