1. A nice, steaming cup of Death Wish Coffee because nothing short of the world's strongest cup of coffee will make you feel alive.
2. A printed quote from badass legend Muhammad Ali that's bound to have you leaping from your bed.
3. Chewable coffee cubes for when you want the coffee jolt without the hassle.
4. A sneaky alarm clock that runs away from you because it shows no mercy for your snoozing habits.
5. Satisfying, protein-packed pancake mix that will have you racing out of bed to gobble it up.
6. A reliable coffeemaker with full pot and single-serve stations (for when you gotta sprint) that you can program to start brewing the moment your alarm goes off.
7. Enticing chocolate bars that happily marry the two best things in life.
8. A sunrise-simulating light and alarm clock that will wake you up gently for a slightly more bearable start to the day.
9. A big ol' jar of caffeinated peanut butter for a PB&J version 2.0.
10. A handy stick formulated with hibiscus extract that will instantly cool, soothe, and de-puff your zombie eyes.
11. Caffeinated chili hot sauce for when you need a kick on top of a kick.
12. Waterproof speakers so you can blast pump-up music in the shower and shock your entire body into fully awake mode.
13. Step Out of Bed!, an alarm app that forces you to take a certain number of steps or to take a photo of a specific spot in your home.
Download it from iTunes for $1.99.
14. Clarisonic Mia facial brushes that vibrate, change speeds, deep-clean, and rev up your morning routine all in one.
15. Caffeinated baked treats so you can be the ~smartest cookie~ around.
16. A simple jump rope to very effectively get your heart rate up and running.
17. Minty gum you can nosh on the way to work and use to prep yourself for the crazy day ahead.
18. Elevate, an app with tons of fun, fast ~learning~ games that will get your brain juices flowing.
Apple also named Elevate the best free iPhone app of 2014, nbd.
Download it for free on iTunes here (subscription plans for Elevate Pro also available).
19. Packets of tasty, healthy, and slightly caffeinated beef jerky to chew on when you need a pick-me-up.
20. If you have the space for it, a 70-pound punching bag that will most definitely get the adrenaline flowing.
21. A fun journal to record and reflect on your craziest dreams as soon as you wake up.
Distract your brain from how freaking tired it is by sketching the zombie apocalypse you dreamt about last night.
Get it from Amazon for $15.90.
22. A Jawbone UP2 fitness tracker if you need physical vibrations to alert your body into consciousness.
23. An exfoliating body scrub that'll add a little spice and kick to your morning routine.
24. Extreme Sport Beans that are formulated for high-performance sports/activity (and should not be consumed as a snack food).
25. A straightforward moisturizer that utilizes active ingredients like coffee beans and ginseng to refresh your dead, tired skin.
26. Sleep Cycle, an app that you place directly on your bed that monitors/analyzes your sleep cycle so it can wake you up when you're in your lightest sleep phase.
Download it on iTunes for 99 cents.
27. A water-misting fan that you can keep on your bedside table and spray yourself with ASAP.
28. A shampoo-and-conditioner pairing that will energize you as you shower.
29. A pint-sized smart alarm system called Sense that looks like a fancy stress ball but actually helps you fall asleep and monitors your sleep so you can wake up on the right side of the bed.
The even tinier Sleep Pill easily clips to your pillow and will track your sleeping patterns through your movements. Sense also syncs with an app that will give you detailed records and analyses of your sleep.
Get the pair from Hello for $129.