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1. A nice, steaming cup of Death Wish Coffee because nothing short of the world's strongest cup of coffee will make you feel alive.
@gothxkween
2. A printed quote from badass legend Muhammad Ali that's bound to have you leaping from your bed.
Get it from IdeateCreateStudio on Etsy for $8+, depending on the size of the print.
3. Chewable coffee cubes for when you want the coffee jolt without the hassle.
4. A sneaky alarm clock that runs away from you because it shows no mercy for your snoozing habits.
I don't always run, but when I do, it's because an alarm clock with wheels forces me to.
Get it from Amazon for $17.99.
5. Satisfying, protein-packed pancake mix that will have you racing out of bed to gobble it up.
Get a 12-ounce packet from Amazon for $7.50. Flapjacked also makes microwaveable ~mighty muffins~ if that's more your jam.
6. A reliable coffeemaker with full pot and single-serve stations (for when you gotta sprint) that you can program to start brewing the moment your alarm goes off.
Built-in motivation: Can't let the coffee go cold/go to waste. Unless you have no heart.
Get it from Amazon for $53.29.
7. Enticing chocolate bars that happily marry the two best things in life.
Each bar has 101 mg of caffeine. Get a box of 12 for $29.99. Choose from dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and caramel.
8. A sunrise-simulating light and alarm clock that will wake you up gently for a slightly more bearable start to the day.
You'll look exactly like this model. Exactly. So much cheer.
Get it from Amazon for $69.99.
9. A big ol' jar of caffeinated peanut butter for a PB&J version 2.0.
It has 150 mg of caffeine per serving (1,200 mg per jar). Get two jars from Amazon for $11.99.
10. A handy stick formulated with hibiscus extract that will instantly cool, soothe, and de-puff your zombie eyes.
11. Caffeinated chili hot sauce for when you need a kick on top of a kick.
With 12 mg of caffeine per teaspoon. Get a set of three from Food52 for $27.
12. Waterproof speakers so you can blast pump-up music in the shower and shock your entire body into fully awake mode.
Get it from Amazon for $11.49.
13. Step Out of Bed!, an alarm app that forces you to take a certain number of steps or to take a photo of a specific spot in your home.
Download it from iTunes for $1.99.
14. Clarisonic Mia facial brushes that vibrate, change speeds, deep-clean, and rev up your morning routine all in one.
15. Caffeinated baked treats so you can be the ~smartest cookie~ around.
16. A simple jump rope to very effectively get your heart rate up and running.
Get it from Amazon for $9.88.
17. Minty gum you can nosh on the way to work and use to prep yourself for the crazy day ahead.
There's 40 mg of caffeine per piece. Get a 12-pack from Amazon for $29.78.
18. Elevate, an app with tons of fun, fast ~learning~ games that will get your brain juices flowing.
Snapshot of memory/speaking game
Apple also named Elevate the best free iPhone app of 2014, nbd.
Download it for free on iTunes here (subscription plans for Elevate Pro also available).
19. Packets of tasty, healthy, and slightly caffeinated beef jerky to chew on when you need a pick-me-up.
It packs 55–66 mg of caffeine per serving. Get a variety pack of four from Amazon for $21.37. Also available in turkey jerky.
20. If you have the space for it, a 70-pound punching bag that will most definitely get the adrenaline flowing.
Includes gloves, hand wraps, adjustable chain, and bungee cord (for adding resistance). Get it from Amazon for $73.35.
21. A fun journal to record and reflect on your craziest dreams as soon as you wake up.
Distract your brain from how freaking tired it is by sketching the zombie apocalypse you dreamt about last night.
Get it from Amazon for $15.90.
22. A Jawbone UP2 fitness tracker if you need physical vibrations to alert your body into consciousness.
Get it from Amazon for $37.26. Available in five colors.
23. An exfoliating body scrub that'll add a little spice and kick to your morning routine.
Get it from Amazon for $28.
24. Extreme Sport Beans that are formulated for high-performance sports/activity (and should not be consumed as a snack food).
Each serving has 50 mg of caffeine (plus vitamins, carbohydrates, and electrolytes). Get a 24-pack of assorted flavors from Amazon for $23.36.
25. A straightforward moisturizer that utilizes active ingredients like coffee beans and ginseng to refresh your dead, tired skin.
Get it from Sephora or Origins for $27.50.
This line also includes an eye cream and peel-off mask, among others.
26. Sleep Cycle, an app that you place directly on your bed that monitors/analyzes your sleep cycle so it can wake you up when you're in your lightest sleep phase.
Download it on iTunes for 99 cents.
27. A water-misting fan that you can keep on your bedside table and spray yourself with ASAP.
It's like pulling a prank on yourself...except waking up is no joke.
Get it from Amazon for $11.
28. A shampoo-and-conditioner pairing that will energize you as you shower.
29. A pint-sized smart alarm system called Sense that looks like a fancy stress ball but actually helps you fall asleep and monitors your sleep so you can wake up on the right side of the bed.
The even tinier Sleep Pill easily clips to your pillow and will track your sleeping patterns through your movements. Sense also syncs with an app that will give you detailed records and analyses of your sleep.
Get the pair from Hello for $129.
Get up, get going!
Things to see, things to do.
