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23 Valentine's Day Gifts For Unromantic People

I guess you're ok or whatever.

Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

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1. A card that lets bae know they're #1.

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On your list of "people who are tolerable."

Get it from The Paper Cub on Etsy for $5.

2. A pair of diamonds you can actually afford.

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And can get totally drunk with!

Get them from Amazon for $21.70.

3. Or if slightly explicit mugs are more your cuppa tea.

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Tina took the words right out of your mouth, didn't she?

Get it from Amazon for $16.99.

4. Pillowcases that are only half joking when it comes to setting boundaries.

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Love is about establishing your dominance.

Get them from Amazon for $32.

5. A cookbook that's way less boring than your typical dinner-and-a-movie date.

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Watch Hannah's hilarious "Drunk Kitchen" videos for inspiration or as needed.

Get it from Amazon for $16.59.

6. A gold skull ring for everyone who's totally had it with overly corny jewelry.

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Cause of death: bombarded by too many hearts.

Get it from Amazon for $12.90.

7. Dick-shaped lipsticks that are extremely fun to play with.

theonlykaybye / Via instagram.com

😏

Get a set of 12 from Amazon for $16.

8. A gut-busting, fast-paced game that discourages endearing, thought-out messages.

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Ain't nobody got time for soliloquies.

Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

9. A teddy bear who isn't quite as cheesy as his fuzzy heart-toting counterparts.

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Get it from Amazon for $25, or as a keychain for $7.

10. A genius skillet with divided compartments for picky-eater couples.

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Save time, gas money, and unnecessary arguments over what to eat.

Get it from Amazon for $49.99.

11. A classy duvet cover that cuts right to the chase.

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Get it from Secret Ninja on Society6 for $89+.

12. An ominous notebook that doesn't really care for Netflix.

shop.nylon.com

Get it from Nylon for $12.

13. Deodorant sticks for people who aren't afraid to give their partners a lil' hint.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDT8jy8BYQn/
https://www.instagram.com/p/BEwknrbhYSc/

Honey, you smell.

Get the Lavender + Sage from Amazon for $7.50 and the Cedarwood + Juniper for $7.76.

14. A "Tainted Love" gift box stuffed with disease microbes that depict romance gone wrong.

It comes with five mini microbes: Herpes, Chlamydia, The Clap, HPV, and Syphilis! Delightful!

Get it from Amazon for $19.95.

You can also get a heart-shaped box version from Amazon or bouquet version from ThinkGeek.

15. A punny card that totally doesn't insinuate that they suck the life out of you.

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Only sometimes, but it's true.

Get it from Calliope Corner Paper Co. on Etsy for $4.05.

16. An Echo Dot that can play music, dim lights, and order toilet paper with your voice's command.

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Because remembering to buy toilet paper is the most romantic gesture of all.

Get it from Amazon for $49.99.

17. A poster that could be renamed, "faces bae has to deal with every day."

urbanoutfitters.com

Get it from Urban Outfitters for $19+.

18. An assortment of scrumptious, organic snacks, because a healthy heart > chocolate hearts, amirite.

lovewithfood / Via instagram.com

A portion of each purchase also goes towards organizations that fight childhood hunger, like Feeding America and The Global Food Banking Network.

Get a monthly subscription from Love With Food for $7.99+.

19. Hunky underwear featuring everyone's favorite historical bae, Henry VIII.

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May your relationships be less disposable than his six wives.

Get it from Twisted Tweet Ltd. on Etsy for $22.02. Also available in Anne Boleyn.

20. Audio-sharing headphones that force your S.O. to listen to your music.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BGrkNb9TVVu/

And keeps their earwax to themselves.

Get them from Amazon for $199.99 each.

21. A comforting-ish card that lets your partner know you wouldn't let them perish in the ocean.

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THERE WAS ENOUGH ROOM, ROSE!!!!

Get it from Pinwheel Print Shop on Etsy for $4.

22. A miniature boyfriend or girlfriend doll, so they can take you wherever they go.

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You say creepy, I say can't-live-without-you.

Get them from Moon Coo Coo on Etsy for $30 each — pocket girlfriend here and pocket boyfriend here.

23. A trash can, because this holiday is trash and so are feelings.

Get the eight-gallon red one from Amazon for $49.69 or the 16-gallon black one for $35.

Here's to saying "I love you" in your own (less mushy and far superior) way.

NBC

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