1. A card that lets bae know they're #1.
2. A pair of diamonds you can actually afford.
3. Or if slightly explicit mugs are more your cuppa tea.
4. Pillowcases that are only half joking when it comes to setting boundaries.
5. A cookbook that's way less boring than your typical dinner-and-a-movie date.
6. A gold skull ring for everyone who's totally had it with overly corny jewelry.
7. Dick-shaped lipsticks that are extremely fun to play with.
8. A gut-busting, fast-paced game that discourages endearing, thought-out messages.
9. A teddy bear who isn't quite as cheesy as his fuzzy heart-toting counterparts.
10. A genius skillet with divided compartments for picky-eater couples.
11. A classy duvet cover that cuts right to the chase.
12. An ominous notebook that doesn't really care for Netflix.
13. Deodorant sticks for people who aren't afraid to give their partners a lil' hint.
14. A "Tainted Love" gift box stuffed with disease microbes that depict romance gone wrong.
15. A punny card that totally doesn't insinuate that they suck the life out of you.
16. An Echo Dot that can play music, dim lights, and order toilet paper with your voice's command.
17. A poster that could be renamed, "faces bae has to deal with every day."
18. An assortment of scrumptious, organic snacks, because a healthy heart > chocolate hearts, amirite.
19. Hunky underwear featuring everyone's favorite historical bae, Henry VIII.
20. Audio-sharing headphones that force your S.O. to listen to your music.
And keeps their earwax to themselves.
Get them from Amazon for $199.99 each.