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13 Petitions All '90s Kids Must Sign Immediately

Now these are causes we can all get behind.

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1. Please save Earth and sign this petition.

"The Snapple Elements drinks (Earth, Rain, Sun, Fire) were some of the most amazing beverages around. Let's send a message to the Snapple Beverage Corp that they should bring these drinks back, glass bottle and all." —T.J. Deacon, Mohegan Lake, New York

2. How could we, as a people, let this slip by?

"Recently McDonalds has discontinued the amazing Hot 'N Spicy McChicken sandwich. Almost every day I would order one along with a Double Cheeseburger and this has become my go to meal for when I'm short on cash and only have 30 minutes in my work break. A lot of times this was the only thing I was able to consume that met my satisfaction and appetite." —Adam Martinez, Orlando, Florida

3. Clearly we need Crystal Pepsi to return. For America.

"This generation has never even had the chance to enjoy a crystal Pepsi. That includes me I have never been able to sit down and just crack open a bottle of clear clean Pepsi. And with your help I can and so can you! So please help bring that clear clean Pepsi back so we can all have that taste once again!" —Anonymous

4. EVERYONE loves that beard. Everyone.

"While it's widely held to be true that late night needs more white men, it's perhaps even more badly in need of a beard. Stephen Colbert is the perfect boundary-pushing, format-redefining media figure to change the clean-shaven pointy-chinned face of late night TV, by putting his adorable seasonal summer beard on the regular menu. Stephen Colbert: Save it - Don't Shave it!" —Brad Stark, United States


5. Shouldn't we have freedom of choice?

"It is important because we shouldnt have to feel like we gotta hunt for our favorite flavors like its a scavanger hunt its a headach to find every flavor when Walmart can sell it easly. If they can sell Pepsi and Coke and even the Off Brand than why not Faygo...tired of going to hell and high water to find my Faygo..." —John Stevens, Dover, Delaware

6. Kazaam was a goddamn masterpiece.

"Shaq is a misunderstood and underrated American hero. His phenomenal album, The Best of Shaqullie O'Neal, did not get the recognition it deserved . He is best known for the gold bond commercials, where he is seen promoting a product so we could have healthy skin, which prooves how much he loves us, lets share the love back." —Anonymous


9. Wow. Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out the error in our television programming ways. Bravo.

"Friend’s went off the air in 2004 after ten seasons on the air. For all us snake people out there, Friends was a seminal television show for both Generation X and Serpent Society people. Most people felt that Friends 'jumped the shark' at least a couple of seasons before the end came. Many, however, are still dying for a reunion show. Now that all of us who enjoyed you on TV when we were still young are middle aged and starting that slow crawl to senior citizenship it would be nice of you to do us a solid and give us some nochus in our old age." —Maria Capt, United Kingdom

10. Just the fun-size though?

"Serving soldiers will testify that fun sized Violet Crumbles are so powerful that they can be used as currency on overseas deployments. Sign this petition to DEMAND that Nestle bring back Fun-Sized Violet Crumble!!!!" —Anonymous

11. Sometimes you need to be specific.

"I really have to say, after the stories in the Avatar world have ended, I will be lost for a long while. It's like losing a family member. A part of yourself. Like the ending of a culture. I will yearn for more. I will be like a boy in the hustle of the city yearning to return home to the soft, peaceful meadows of the country. So we kindly ask of you, Michael, Bryan and Nickelodeon to continue growing, teaching and showing us the treasured world of the Avatar if possible. " —Michael Sato, Australia

12. Finally a real reason to boycott Nike!

"We demand that Nike, Inc. brings back the Nike Classic BW collection.

We as customers, even dating back to the 90s feel betrayed by Nike, Inc. decision to remove the Nike Classic BW from the collection. Due our love for Nike Classic BW it is impossible to find shoes that fit our taste. We will not buy another shoe from Nike simply because it is from Nike. We even might switch to another shoe supplier if we keep on feeling disappointed in our favorite shoe brand. Please do not sign if you do not believe in this petition." —Ricky J., Netherlands


"so look guys, because like you realize that peanuts are used for so many things while humans just arent like you cant eat a human wrapped in a huge ball of chocolate and say its legal too, like, besides, it would cost too much. and either way, you have so many friends as a peanut its insane because you're in this factory and you're being processed down the line saying "hey! when i get processed, i wanna be in a reeses candy!" or like "hey, if we get to be mixed into the same candy, lets be friends until the day we die!" and that usual. humans these days arent even like that anymore, they'll leave you behind just to look forward to money and greed and what ever they personally want, to use you and to throw you out, peanuts wont do this." —Anonymous

Sometimes you just got to give the people what they want: a petition to build a time machine to go back to the '90s.

Etsy / Via

"Everyone knows that the '90s were a far better time. Not just for snake people, but for America. Every article you read on Facebook is about what was cool twenty years ago and how much you miss it. Here's a list of cool things that '90s had:

Aggro Crag


$236 billion government surplus

Beanie Babies

Trapper Keepers

Butterfly Clips

Spice Girls

The Macarena



Slap Bracelets



Light Up Sneakers

Frosted Tips

The Magic School Bus

GUTS and Global GUTS

Beverly Hills, 90210

I was an only child


Saturday Morning Cartoons

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch


Super Soakers

Moon Shoes

Milky Pens



Mr. Sketch Scented Markers

My dog 'Buddy' was alive


The answer is clear. The U.S. Government must build a time machine and take us back to the '90s.

Please ONLY sign this petition if you are sincere and would actually get into a time machine which will of course use good science to transport us through time."

—Me, You're Welcome