9 Ways To Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations With Your Relatives This Thanksgiving

For when you need to change the subject fast.

1. When your uncle brings up how those red Starbucks cups have started a war on Christmas:

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Fill his cup with red wine until it’s overflowing and declare, "Now that’s a red cup we can all get behind!”

2. When you grandma mentions how we should build a wall to keep out the "illegals":

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Slop tons of turkey and stuffing on your plate until you've built a food wall to separate yourself from the rest of the family.

3. When your grandma brings up Lisa’s beautiful babies and asks when you were planning on having some of your own:

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Take her to the toilet where she can meet her food grandbabies.

4. When your aunt asks if you are going to get married anytime soon:

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Tell her that you can’t now because she killed your fiancé, the potatoes.

5. At first mention of Benghazi:

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Levitate the dinner table and declare your intentions to become the new Criss Angel. Then prepare for 11 hours of questioning.

6. When your dad asks how your job search is going:

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Ask him if he'd hire you for the job of "cutest child."

7. When your sister-in-law asks how you can be against killing animals and not against killing babies:

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Start choking on your broccoli. Once everyone has surrounded you, turn the cough into a sick beat and start breakdancing.

8. When your mom comments asks if you really think that top is right for your body shape:

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Take it off.

9. When you hear any of the following: "Shouldn't it be #alllivesmatter?"/ "We shouldn't let any refugees in--unless they're Christian."/ "If Rachel Dolezal isn't black, how is Caitlyn Jenner a woman?"

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Lift up your hands and fly out of the room, out the window, and out of this world.