1. HOLY SHIT SERIAL HAS BEYONCE'D US ALL!
2. MAILKIMP! The mailkimp has returned, I'm crying tears of joy.
3. So this is about the rescue of Bowe Bergdahl, army guy.
4. Kinda wish this was really about "a cult leader in a 70s movie."
5. Momentarily convinced he had a bomb and was going to blow up the other Americans. Thanks Homeland.
6. Sarah’s voice is all I want to hear when I go to bed at night.
7. That theme song is SO good. Like, Adele's "Skyfall" good.
8. Bob and Jani are SUCH parents names. We all know a Bob and Jani.
9. So, it's like he was wrongly accused of deserting?
10. I've gotta look up a picture of this Bowe guy.
11. Not quite as cute as Adnan. :-(
12. If someone says they have a large sense of humor, they are probably boring AF.
13. Oh there's gonna be a movie?
14. When will George R.R. release his next book?
15. Recalcitrant: having an obstinately uncooperative attitude toward authority or discipline. Thanks Google!
16. I hate the dark. I still use a night light.
17. Kool-Aid Man that damn door, Bergdahl!
18. Oh no, now Sarah's talking about a children's book.
19. Wait this children's book is dope as hell *Amazon primes it*
20. We got partners this season? But does that mean less Sarah?
21. They were in danger? Of what? Stirring too much poop trash?
22. Isn't moondust a street name for cocaine/?
23. Open toilets? No bidets? Kill me.
24. Army work sounds was less interesting than in American Sniper.
25. I wonder if they ever called him "Whiney Baby Bergdahl" at the base.
26. I think it's just stupid.
27. Wait, why is he doing this? What are his good reasons?
28. Seriously why? What is this plan?
29. Vacuum-packed meat. My mouth waters.
30. He just changed his plan to a worse plan.
31. Facepalming so hard rn.
32. Seriously how Gryffindor can you possibly be?
33. So, he just got lost. He doesn't know how to use the compass.
34. He's about to get captured by the Taliban! FIGHT SCENE ALERT! EPIC BATTLE!
35. False Alarm. He was just like "OK, I'm captured."
36. Bergdahl is SO dopey.