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Someone Answer These Questions About True Detective S2E1

Things are about to get pretty depressing.

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1. What is the opening sequence supposed to make me think of? The Ring? Taylor Swift's "Style"? Or is it supposed to make me pine for True Detective Season 1?

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SPOILERS AHEAD.

2. Detective Ray Velcoro has to know that's not his biological son, right? RIGHT?

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3. Is this article based on real life?

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4. Why was this apartment decoration the most creepy/interesting shot of the episode?

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Time is a flat bowl of milk.

5. Is this foreshadowing?

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6. Why is Ray such a shoe freak?

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7. Does Ani see her family on a regular basis, or just when she busts them?

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8. Is this really realistic given how our capitalistic society typically funds public transit?

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Frank Semyon, I smell bullshit.

9. Why was Officer Paul Woodrugh's blowjob so painful for him?

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10. Was he taking Viagra, or was this the blue pull from The Matrix that represents living in ignorance of the truth? OR BOTH??

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11. Did he expect to get Father of the Year for this?

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12. Might the killer be a giant bird???

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13. Who won this staring contest?

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14. Does Paul also make this face when he's dropping a deuce?

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15. Why should I care about this rich guy?

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16. Where's the L.A. traffic?

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17. Did we really need so much of this somehow-more-depressing version of Lana Del Rey?

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18. Why is Detective Ani Bezzerides' dad straight out of the '60s?

Also loved how he perfectly summarized her character in 10 seconds.
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Also loved how he perfectly summarized her character in 10 seconds.

19. What's up with the allusions to Greek mythology?

Panticapaeum = ancient Greek cityAni or Antigone = Oedipus' daughter who hangs herself in a tombAthena = goddess of wisdom and courage (not the "goddess of love" as Ani's dad claims)
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Panticapaeum = ancient Greek city

Ani or Antigone = Oedipus' daughter who hangs herself in a tomb

Athena = goddess of wisdom and courage (not the "goddess of love" as Ani's dad claims)

20. Is everyone an alcoholic?

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And do they all prefer whiskey?

21. Who Weekend-At-Bernie'd this Caspere guy?

Ben Caspere, city manager, has seen better days.
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Ben Caspere, city manager, has seen better days.

22. These are three different girls, right?

Right? I mean, I think so. Right?
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Right? I mean, I think so. Right?

23. Who won this three-way staring contest?

The best things at three price points