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    9 Reasons No One Wants To Be A Disney Princess

    I can't get birds to do shit for me.

    1. For starters, I can't convince small woodland creatures to do shit for me.

    2. Don’t sneak up behind me while I’m grooving to music and start man-singing to me.

    3. If you wake me up while I'm sleeping, I will NOT be happy.

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    4. I can't ignore it when people gossip about me behind my back.

    5. I'm not going to hop on some dude's janky ride unless he has a license, seatbelt, and boatloads of dramamine.

    6. I👏 do👏 not👏 put👏 up👏 with👏 this👏 shit👏

    7. I will not get fin-to-leg plastic surgery to please a man I've never had a conversation with.

    8. If I've got seven roommates I better not be the only one cleaning.

    9. If I somehow got some expensive shoes, I would never give one up. You can't wear one shoe.

    Sorry, but if the movie has a boring female lead, I'm going to fall asleep midway through. Wait, that's exactly what Aurora did in Sleeping Beauty? Shit, maybe I could be a Disney princess after all ;)