14. “Beautiful Day” by Jon Bon Jovi
Is she going for the New Jersey vote here? Need that pivotal NJ blue collar vote, but she can't use Bruce since Obama did that three years ago. So, here you go. Have some Jon Bon.
Relevant Lyrics:
"It's good to breathe in the air
It's all around us, everywhere"
What That Tells You:
Hillary is alive.
13. “Believer” By American Authors
Pitchfork did not have a review of this band so I couldn’t really form an opinion.
Relevant lyrics:
"I'm a little bit sheltered
I'm a little bit scared
I'm a little bit nervous
I'm goin' nowhere"
What That Tells You:
She understands the futility of the American political system.
12. “The Fighter” by Gym Class Heroes feat. Ryan Tedder
Slow, over-enunciated rapping so even your grandparents can understand it.
Relevant Lyrics:
"Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds
Hailing from rock bottom, loserville, nothing town"
What That Tells You:
Nothing, that doesn't accurately describe Hillary's stature.
11. “Happy” by Pharrell Williams
This song is great, but we've all heard it a million times already.
Relevant Lyrics:
"Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof"
What That Tells You:
She will have the roof removed from the White House. Don't worry, it's for skylights.
10. “Best Day Of My Life” by American Authors
You know this song! Here's where you've heard it:
-Lowe's Superbowl Commercials
-Opening sequence for ESPN's coverage of the 2013 World Series of Poker
-Movie Trailers/TV Spots for Delivery Man, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and St. Vincent
- NHL on NBC for the 2014 Stanley Cup Playoffs
- Ads for Petron, Datsun Go, Lays, Center Parks, Graton Casinos, Hyundai, & Telecom New Zealand
Relevant Lyrics:
"I stretched my hands out to the sky
We danced with monsters through the night
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh"
What That Tells You:
Monsters? Must be talking about Hill's term in the Senate lol rofl lol.
9. “Brave” by Sara Bareilles
You can't put "Brave" and "Roar" on the same playlist. They are literally the same song.
Relevant Lyrics:
"Show me how big your brave is"
What That Tells You:
Brave is what I call my boyfriend's D.
8. “Fighters” by Kris Allen
Kris Allen won the eighth season of American Idol, not that you remember that. He's from Arkansas, so maybe that's why he's on here?
Relevant Lyrics:
"Screaming out loud
Top of your lungs
And I bet they’re not even listening
I know what you’re talkin’ ’bout"
What That Tells You:
It's hard to be heard in the media echo chamber.
7. “Pumpin Blood” by NONONO
Sasha Geffen of Pitchfork said that this song "moves from a two-note intro borrowed from Snow Patrol into a chorus that wants so badly to be joyful, but leans entirely on the whistlecore." Oh sorry Hillary nice try at being indie.
Relevant Lyrics:
"Hey heart, on the road again, moving on, forward
Sticks and stones won't break the bones"
What That Tells You:
Seriously never run for president, everyone is so mean to you.
6. "Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” by Kelly Clarkson
The pop diva song that even straight boys love.
Robert Copsey of Digital Spy wrote, "The message behind her song may already be a well-worn, almost cliched lesson, but as she continues to prove, there's little shame in coming out with the expected." Ugh, HILLARY ANYONE?
Relevant Lyrics:
"You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You try to break me, but you see"
What That Tells You:
Hillary's back, bitches.
5. “Wake Up Everybody” by John Legend & The Roots
This is actually a cover version that was released in 2004 to coincide with the presidential election. Vote or die kids!
Relevant Lyrics:
"And even in his generation living through computers
On love, love, love can reboot us"
What That Tells You:
Yuccies use computers on their phones.
4. “Let’s Get Loud” by Jennifer Lopez
YES BRING THE CLASSICS.
Fun fact: the music video for "Let's Get Loud" was filmed live at the 1999 FIFA Women's World Cup at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. 1999 was the year the US Women's team took home the World Cup.
Relevant Lyrics:
"Hey
Hey
Hey
Eso
Hey
Hey
Hey"
What That Tells You:
Hello hispanic voters.
3. “Roar” by Katy Perry
Gerrick D. Kennedy from Los Angeles Times described this song as "sweet, poppy confection with a bit of bite." Ugh, did someone just describe HILLARY?
Relevant Lyrics:
"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh"
What That Tells You:
"Ohhhhhhhhhh"
2. "Vivir Mi Vida” by Marc Anthony
This album won the Latin Grammy Award in 2013 for Record of the Year. So yeah, it's good. It's also the only song on her playlist that's completely in Spanish.
Relevant Lyrics:
"A veces llega la lluvia
para limpiar las heridas
A veces sólo una gota
puede vencer la sequía"
Translation Just In Case Hillary Reads This Post:
"Sometimes rain comes
to clean wounds
Sometimes just a drop
can overcome the drought"
What That Tells You:
Elect Hillary and she will end the drought in California.
1. “Break Free” Ariana Grande & Zedd
I could dance forever to this song. Plus, Larry Fitzmaurice from Pitchfork actually LIKED this song, saying, "from the zippy opening synth line to the verse's insistent pounding, 'Break Free' certainly invites comparisons to Swedish pop mastermind Robyn; as ever, Grande brings her own skyscraping voice in top form, so vocally the comparisons don't stick."
Relevant Lyrics:
"You were better, deeper
I was under your spell
Like a deadly fear I am, babe
On the highway to hell"
What That Tells You:
Remember when Obama defeated me? Not gonna make the same mistakes this time.