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We Need To Talk About Starbucks's Siren Logo

You think those red cups are bad? You're gonna want to sit down.

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We need to talk about the Starbucks logo.

Have you ever wondered why the Starbucks lady seems to be holding two fishes? Well, I've got news for you: Those aren't fishes. If you're one of those people who was upset about Starbucks sanitizing Christmas (or you're Donald Trump), you might want to clutch your rosary.

And before 1987, this was the logo. This is the true Starbucks siren. Boobs/nips out, spreading her two fins. WHY? To show off her mervag, that's why.


You might be asking yourself, "Wait, why? WTF?"

Blogger Michael Krakovskiy did some research on the original Stabucks logo in 2005 and found that the company’s story — that the logo came from "a 16th century Norse woodcut of a twin-tailed mermaid, or Siren" — was horseshit. First of all, Norse art would have only been from the Viking age, or 8th-11th century. So where was this siren slattern really from?


Krakovskiy thinks the Starbucks mermaid likely came from J.E. Cirlot's A Dictionary of Symbols. There are a few notable differences: The Starbucks siren is thinner, happier, and vagina-less.

J.E. Cirlot

Cirlot writes that sirens "could be symbolic of … the torment of desire leading to self-destruction, for their abnormal bodies cannot satisfy the passions that are aroused by their enchanting music and by their beauty of face and bosom." The siren leads the righteous man off his path and into temptation, just like that venti Vanilla Spice Latte you couldn't help but buy on your way to work.

Today, when we think of mermaids, we think of Ariel, who lures Prince Eric with her beautiful voice. Compare that to the sirens of mythology, who seduced mariners with music and promises of sex. OHHH! That sexy hair flip is starting to make sense, right?

In conclusion, the minimalist, satanic red cups are a mere red herring. Why? Because the logo of a billion-dollar multinational corporation is a mermaid spreading her fins apart to lure men in and eat them.