1. Never, ever make eye contact with anyone on the LUAS red line.
2. And always allow for unexpected delays on the DART.
3. You're never too old to drink cans at the Pav.
4. It doesn't actually matter whether you went to Trinity or not.
5. You'll be in town about 5 minutes before bumping into someone you know.
6. Especially if it's someone you're actively trying to avoid.
7. Going for "a jar" is never just one.
8. St Stephen's Green is lovely, but Merrion Square is quieter.
9. And Iveagh Gardens is the nicest park of all.
10. Temple Bar after dark is never a good idea.
11. Because only bleedin' thicks pay €7.45 for a pint.
12. Saying "thirty three and a third" is the key to any tourist's heart.
13. As is being able to direct them to the Book of Kells.
14. Dublin Bus drivers can be brutal at times.
15. But they can also be the soundest people you'll ever meet.
16. Although you'll never cash their stupid change refund receipts.
17. Pop down restaurants are the new pop ups.
18. Tacos are the new burritos.
19. And Dublin 8 is the new Dublin 7.
20.Burdock's > Beschoff's.
21. When the sun comes out, you should make a beeline for the patch of concrete outside Keogh's immediately.
22. A cone from Teddy's is worth trekking to Dun Laoghaire for.
23. And the vista from Killiney Hill is worth the hike.
24. Going into town on Paddy's Day, however, is a waste of time.
25. You get a better view of the parade on telly, anyway.
26. A toastie from Grogan's always hits the spot.
27. And the beat place to sit is outside, with a pint of plain.
28. It's your only man.
29. Moore Street is the best spot to buy fruit.
30. And the flower sellers on Grafton Street will always give you a good deal.
31. Henry Street at Christmas is where you'll find the best designer knockoffs.
32. It's always a good day when you see Pat Ingoldsby.
33. Don't pay water charges.
34. Do pay water charges.
35. Freshly toasting hops is the scent of the city.
36. So is the Liffey stink on a hot, summer's day.
37. You never need an excuse to start singing Olé Olé Olé.
38. The Nitelink is where many a good romance started.
39. Everyone has a Bono story.
40. Bono is a pox.
41. If you see him in the wild, you must never approach him.
42. Same goes for Glen Hansard. Don't give them the satisfaction.
43. December 8th is the worst day to go shopping.
44. The best view of Croke Park is from Hill 16.
45. A snackbox from Supermac's in Heuston is the perfect train fuel.
46. Coddle shouldn't be delicious, but it really is.
47. So is gur cake.
48. And we'll have a one 'n' one, if you're going to the chipper.
49. Nothing good ever comes of ending up in Coppers.
50. Or Leggs, for that matter.
51. And Johnnie Fox's is only okay if you're bringing tourists.
52. Let's all just call The Point, The Point.
53. Got a problem with that? Ask me bollix.
54. Foreign exchange students completely clog up the city from May to September.
55. Scarleh for them.
56. No, scarlet for their mas for havin' them.
57. Every movie is better in the Savoy's Screen One.
58. The National Gallery is the perfect place to spend a rainy Saturday.
59. The Natural History Museum and IMMA aren't bad either.
60. Nobody really knows where the relics of St Valentine are. But they're around here somewhere.
61. When the sun shines, Dublin the most beautiful city in the world.
62. But it's pretty nice the other 364 days of the year too.