19 Of The Most Traumatizing Stories About Being Attacked By Canada Geese
"We should start filling our ponds with holy water."
Here are 19 of the most insane stories, which made us consider never leaving our homes again.
1. The Literal Wig-Snatching Goose
My college used to have geese all over the campus. I once saw a girl walking to class and a goose just started charging at her, knocked her on the ground and ripped out one of her hair extensions and ran off with it.
Submitted by EScott P Banks (Facebook)
2. The Geese Gang
I was walking home and had to walk through a graveyard. All of a sudden this goose came chasing after me like there's no tomorrow. I ran but there was a gang of wild geese ahead with lil' baby geese and I'm was like holy shit, I'm in geese territory. I tried to sprint home but this goose bit my calf and I wanted to die. I ran home and ate a tub of ice cream. A true Canadian horror story.
Submitted by bbqbean
3. The Geese From Hell
Being young and naïve to the Canada goose's less-than-stellar reputation, my sister and I thought it would be hilarious to run up to a flock of them screaming and waving our arms around like lunatics to scare them away. Well, unbeknownst to us at the time, the Canadian goose is not one to back down without a fight. Next thing we knew, we had an entire flock of geese dive-bombing us, forcing us duck (no pun intended) and cover like we were in the midst of a 1950s nuclear attack drill.
You know that old story in the bible where Jesus cast a bunch of demons into some pigs? Pretty sure it was a mistranslation. Because if I've ever met a creature with the soul of a demon, it's the Canadian goose. We should start filling our ponds with holy water.
Submitted by Shannon Sullivan (Facebook)
4. The Goose Who Skipped Lunch
The bastard took a falafel out of my hand and ate it, while I watched pathetically.
Submitted by salsasandwich
5. The Wedding Crasher
When I was a kid, I was the flower girl in my aunts wedding. Me being full of innocence and optimism, went to pet a goose by the pond while we were getting pictures done and not only did it bite my hand but it shit on me. Not sure if it shit on me because of fear or just pure vengeance but still ruined me and my dress that day.
Submitted by coopalooop
6. The Goose Who Wants You Bread Or Alive
When I was in elementary school my neighbours lived right next to a pond where a ton of geese would relax. One day I went over to their house to play with their two kids and they yelled that they were in the backyard. I went back to find them feeding bread to at least twenty geese. One of my neighbors looked at me and yelled "Here, feed them," and threw me an entire loaf of bread. As I caught it I looked up and saw all of the geese staring at me. They lunged at me so fast I had no time to run. I got "bit" at least five times. I finally threw the bread toward the pond and ran back to my house.
Submitted by mckenzies3
7. The Territorial Goose
I was riding my horse on a cross country jumping course and we were very experienced with the course and potential wildlife involved. My horse suddenly decides that these geese are the antichrist. He throws me into this stagnant, goose poo filled water, where the monster goose then hissed at me. I thank god I wore long sleeves that day.
Submitted by caiteyo
8. The Repressed Childhood Memory
When I was 3 years old, I was swinging in those bucket swings, and my dad went to get a drink of water, leaving me helpless in the swing. I'm pretty sure about 20 geese encircled me and started honking and getting closer. Maybe because I had a popsicle. But one got a little too close and I kicked him right in the beak. My dad came running back when he saw I was surrounded and chased the the geese away. I think it's my only memory I have as a 3 year old.
Submitted by meganleighv
9. The One Asshole
I was riding my bike across one of the main bridges in town when a flock of geese started to make their descent on to the pathway. One decides to land right in front of me and I scream and jerk around, nearly causing an accident for the bikers behind me. The stinkin' goose THEN decides to move out of the way after I've made myself look like a possessed waving tube inflatable, probably laughing to his evil goose-y self in having accomplished his mission.
Submitted by aubreyl3
10. The Geese Who Heightened Campus Security
This year two very aggressive geese built a nest on the roof of the building which housed the campus cafeteria. At first it seemed students would be safe if they didn't make direct eye contact with the geese, but soon the geese started charging at anyone and everyone who tried to go eat in the cafeteria. Campus security became concerned and built a temporary barricade to protect students and to keep the geese away from the doors. Let's just say that mesh fence and construction cones didn't stand a chance against the majestic strength of the Canadian Geese.
Submitted by Lizzie Calombaris (Facebook)
11. The Goose Who Had The Last Honk
I was driving down a one way road and some geese had decided to cross the road in front of me. So I stopped to let them cross, and one of them jumped up onto the hood of my car, so I honked the horn to get him off. After I honked the horn, he decided to attack the car, and put a crack into my brand new windshield. After the goose was satisfied with the damage, he flew off down the road.
Submitted by mikaelab4d0daee1b
12. Goose Versus Polar Bear
We were at the Toronto Zoo and the geese started taunting the polar bears. One polar bear ran at them and one flew right into the glass window. Let's just say we had an amazing view of how nature really works.
Submitted by sandib477ac1c66
13. The Goose Who Sought Revenge
Years ago, some friends and I were at Ontario Place and decided to go paddle boating. We had just gotten into the boat and were lazing along the shore when 2 of my asshole friends decided to start throwing pebbles… at a flock of Canada geese. I was adamantly against this, and told them multiple times to "stop throwing shit at the geese". I had a premonition that it would end badly. And it did. For me, not them.
Out of nowhere, one of the geese on the shore decided that he had had enough of our shit and didn't appreciate pebbles being thrown at him and his crew. We were paddling right along side the shore and he flew onto our boat and right into MY face. All I remember was feathers and black beady eyes, and its beak poking at my face. I freaked out (obviously) and started flailing my arms around to try and shoo it away. Eventually he flew back over to the shore and left me alone. In this case, karma was not on my side. My friends who had done the damage just got to laugh hysterically at the irony of it all.
Submitted by amandalf
14. The Rollerblade Chase
I was rollerblading on some grass once (not sure why) and I got too close to a couple of geese. One of them chased me down but I couldn't get away fast enough. It bit me on the ass and left a huge welt and bruise.
Submitted by alexandrab41fdb7896
15. The Geese Who Played No Games
One day my friends were eating lunch right next to the window-wall when the geese appeared nearby, one of my friends said "Wouldn't it be funny if they just walked up to us?"; as soon as the words left her mouth the geese slowly began to form a line and march toward the window, bobbing their heads and pooping at different intervals. They made their way toward the garden and stopped at the thin glass wall separating them from my now friends' lunch table, just staring inside with those weird bird eyes on the sides of their heads.
Submitted by Esmee Steck (Facebook)
16. The Goose Who Does Not Want Your Seconds
I made the mistake of throwing an orange peel into a canal. A Canadian goose swam up to it, took a nibble, and then realized it was not delicious goose food. Then it started honking and flapping violently at me. I thought I was going to die.
Submitted by Laura Stuart (Facebook)
17. The Overprotective Mama Goose
Recently, my friend I were running for track practice by a lake. There was a strange hissing noise and I was immediately like "wtf is that" and I thought it was my friend for some stupid reason. There were geese lining the whole fucking road and I mean they had babies and they were pretty big. The geese started chasing after us, still hissing and we were terrified. (Look up a picture of their tongues if you want to have nightmares). I don't know why geese think we want their babies, like I don't want your babies.
Submitted by erin239
18. The Goose Who Tore An Umbrella To Shreds
I used to work animal control, and on my first day, we had to paddle boat to an island in a park that was overrun by geese to oil the eggs (population control) to reduce the number of geese in the park. We noticed that there was one pair of really aggressive geese, so we went about our business, oiled some other nests, but we eventually had only one nest left, and armed with an umbrella (apparently humane goose control) and some oil, we went for it.
The goose was squawking and flapping at us, but eager me was not perturbed until the jackass flew up in the air, landed on the umbrella, shredded it, and knocked both of us over on the tiny island. Needless to say, we left that nest alone, and paddled as fast as we could off the island. I never messed with a goose nest again.
Submitted by hayleyj5
19. And The Women Who Actually DEFEATED A Goose
When I was a kid, we used to go to this park that had a big duck pond and there were always some Canadian geese hanging out, pooping and scaring children, you know. Well I guess I went too close to one of them one time because it started hissing at me. I remember this random girl standing behind me starting freaking out, saying, "That's what they do when they're about to charge!!!" So what did I do?
I hissed right back at it. Louder.
And this goose, which was probably the head honcho of its flock was all, "Wtf?" and moved back into the water, signaling for its homies to swim away with it to the other side of the pond.
Canadian Geese: 0
Submitted by: Caitlin Michelle Beerer (Facebook)
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.