1. There are two types of people in this world: Those who worship sour candy and those who can’t stand it.
2. Because to most of us, eating sour candy tastes like a punishment.
3. Do you enjoy things that taste like pain?
4. Do you like the sensation of chemicals slowly burning through your tongue?
5. Because whenever you eat sour candy, you can literally see your neck muscles tensing.
6. Honestly, there’s nothing worse than picking through a mixed bag of treats to find that all the good stuff has been contaminated with that garbage sour powder.
7. And being sensitive to sour candy doesn't make you weak, it just makes you human.
8. Our species should not be consuming things that look like bouncy balls covered in cocaine.
9. Plus, sour candy always comes in the weirdest shapes and packaging.
10. Like, WHY DOES SOUR SPRAY EXIST? It’s basically battery acid.
11. And for some god-forsaken reason, people who love sour candy ALWAYS force it upon people who don’t.
12. Don’t you dare tell me the red ones are less sour because we both know that’s a lie.
13. But you always end up trying it anyway, just for them to stop bugging you.
14. *licks the smallest amount of candy surface area possible for you to leave me the fuck alone*
15. And that’s not even the worst part of it all. The ultimate betrayal is eating something, expecting it to be sweet, only to discover that it’s the devil in disguise.
16. Even Mother Nature’s “sour” candy can go straight to hell, if you ask me.
17. Kiwis? Oranges? Strawberries? Even green grapes are a risk. No one is safe.
18. Because at the end of the day, you know in your heart that sweet candy is superior.
19. Now, suck on that.
