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I Got Drunk At Starbucks, Ate Truffle Mac ‘N’ Cheese, And Made Friends

A love story.

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Hey! I'm Sarah, I wear giant scarves, and drink Starbucks. I'm also Jewish so their cups don't offend me.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

Here's a photo of me being sober and adorable.

Anyway, this week three Starbucks locations around Toronto launched ~Starbucks Evenings~. It's basically a special menu of wine, beer, and fancy "small plates" like flatbreads, parmesan chicken skewers, and bacon-wrapped dates. Oh, and it's only available in the afternoon.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada
Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

The menu has already been tested in the U.S. and it was only a matter of time for Canadians to get a shot at it.

So I decided to follow my heart (and stomach) and get my drank on. I also realized that I had been unknowingly preparing for this moment since last year.

Thinkstock / @saspler / Via Twitter: @saspler

The Forest Hill Starbucks started poppin’ bottles at 2p.m. so I grabbed my ID (because I look like I'm 13 years old) and made my way there. The plan was the treat this Starbucks just like a regular bar.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

On my way there, I made a mental list of things to do that would really help me experience this uncharted boozy territory.

# Order a drink.

# Start a real tab.

# Send a drink to a random person.

# Order all the food.

# Make a friend.

3:21 p.m: I arrived at Starbucks and ordered a drink. I got the mac 'n' cheese, bacon-wrapped dates, and a prosecco. Obviously. And they ID'ed me. Obviously.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

I told you.

Shortly after ordering, I immediately realized that I was at the ~fanciest~ Starbucks in the world. As I waited for my food and drink, a woman wearing this was standing beside me.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

I felt underdressed. At Starbucks.

3:28 pm: Food and first round arrives. And it's surprisingly spectacular.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

The truffle mac 'n' cheese ($6.95) was actually really good. And I shared my bacon-wrapped dates ($5.95) with a nice stranger named Lara. My drink ($9.00) came with spiced-pumpkin seeds that I could only describe as incredibly useless.

3:32 p.m: School is out. Lara abandoned me because she needed to get back to "work." Yeah, sure. I quietly sat alone eating my food while a preteen eyed my mac 'n' cheese while waiting for her frappa-whatever.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

I pushed the dish closer to my boobs and whispered under my breath, "Not today, Satan."

3:39 p.m: I couldn't help but feel lonely at the bar. No one else was drinking. So I decided to just go for it and start a tab with my homeboy Benji, the store manager, and asked him to bring me a spinach artichoke dip and a wine that was "made from grapes."

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

3:43 p.m: As I waited for my dip and wine, a girl sat next to me at the bar. She ordered a white wine and a muffin (because why not?) And in a flash, I knew I had encountered a potential friend.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

Don't mess this up, Sarah.

3:46 p.m: My dip and second round arrived. I offered to share with Alyssa (the woman who ordered the muffin and wine). She accepted and we instantly became BFFs.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada
Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

The dip ($6.95) was just meh. But all the wine (ranging from $9.00 to $13.00) was pretty good. But unfortunately, all the wine comes in one size so you can't technically order a venti Pinot Grigio (for now).

I had been drinking a red wine and then immediately ordered a white something-or-rather (whatever Alyssa was drinking) because she seemed to know ~things~ about wine.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

They also gave me more weird pumpkin seeds.

We then formulated a plan. We wanted to treat this Starbucks like a regular bar, so we decided to send a random guy a beer from across the room. We tried to flag down Benji but he was busy pouring dat liquor.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

So instead we asked Haley, another barista-turned-bartender to help us out. She was down. We sat awkwardly while she walked over to him, told him about the drink, and pointed to us.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

She also had to ask for his ID too so I don't completely feel like a toddler.

And, IT WORKED!

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

Shout out to Haley. You're a treasure.

He accepted and we became friends. Obviously.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

Shout out to Yonah. You're a star.

The tab was increasing (and so was my tipsiness) so I decided to settle the bill and head back to work. Just a reminder that it was like 4 p.m. on a Tuesday.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But as one last hurrah, I ordered some truffle popcorn because WHY NOT.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

It cost $2.95 of my sacred Canadian dollars and was actually pretty tasty.

On my way out, I hugged Alyssa, waved goodbye to Yonah (it's complicated, don't ask), high-fived Benji and Haley, and grabbed a tall ice water for the ride home.

Sarah Aspler / BuzzFeed Canada

Drinking at Starbucks is a little weird. There’s just something strange about getting drunk somewhere you usually recover from a hangover. Anyway, I had completed my mission. And was hella drunk.