Kraft Dinner Varieties, Ranked

The health benefits are not worth forcing yourself to eat what tastes like cardboard noodles. Sorry.

Fluorescent cheese powder is OK, but microwaving the noodles? C'mon. Either they come out completely mushy or there's like 15 noodles that didn't get submerged in the water that tastes like the plastic thing at end of a shoestring.

Fun fact: The plastic thing at the end of the shoestring is called an aglet. Not only is this post judge-y but it's also educational-y! You're welcome.

Serious question: Does anyone even buy these?

We don't want "tomatoes." That is a vegetable. What we really want is ketchup and we'll add it ourselves. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

STOP. TRYING. SO. HARD.

This is OK but somehow the cheese powder tastes, even more, powder-y? Like grainy? I guess that's what they mean by "sharp."

Now we're getting somewhere.

Who doesn't love a good spiral? These are fun.

Who could hate on these ADORABLE SHELL NOODLES?

But beware: They have a habit of suctioning to your throat. Or maybe that's just me. Anyone? No? Just me? OK.

CREAMY. CHEESE. NOODZ. I worship the pot these are cooked in.

Don't mess with perfection.

Stop trying to ~elevate~ the dish. IT'S ALREADY SEASONED WITH MYSTERIOUS INGREDIENTS. Just let it live, OK?!

This is only acceptable for people under 10 years of age.

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE: If you're one of those people who boil their hot dogs in a pot and then proceed to COOK THE NOODLES IN THE GROSS HOT DOG WATER, please reevaluate your life choices.

I'm not mad about it.

Ketchup can add a nice ~zesty zing~ to your gourmet meal. Just don't drown your noodles in it.