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13 Signs You Might Be Out Of Touch With The Youth

It's a weird day when you realize you're no longer in the know. I'm only 22, but apparently 22 is the new 62.

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1. You've never heard of the latest apps.

I was watching The Colbert Report the other day, and he did a joke I didn't get involving apps (I presume) called Seamless and Uber. A couple days later, I heard them mentioned again, and finally asked my friend what they were, misspelling Uber (oober) in the process. This is the equivalent to your parents asking you about "The Facebook" or how to "twitter" something.

2. You're not familiar with "hip" music.

When you were a teenager, were there certain "inappropriate" radio stations that your parents wouldn't let you listen to? So you would wait until you were alone in the car and then blare them, screaming the words at the top of your lungs with the fiery thrill of defiance burning in your veins? Now when I turn those radio stations on, the only fire burning in my veins is confusion. What is a "Gucci Mane"? Is this like a new designer line of hair products??

3. You buy clothes based on price, not brand.

If you weren't wearing Hollister/American Eagle/Abercrombie when I was a teen, you just weren't quite ever going to be considered cool. But I don't even know what kids are wearing nowadays--isn't there some big thing about expensive jeans with enough sparkles on the back pockets to make your ass look like a diamond mine? Personally, my humble closet is filled with miles of Gap and Old Navy clearance, peppered with items under ten dollars I found at resale shops.

4. You've started using slang ironically and it ended up in your regular vocabulary.

I am hella sorry to both my fam and my friends, but my speech is now peppered with ridic phrases that I am totes cereal when I use. Though, confession, I'm pretty sure I've been using the phrase "throwing shade" incorrectly for a couple years now, but it's gone too far and I'm scared to ask. However, I did google "get turnt up" the other day, and as soon as I can decipher what it means I can't make any promises about what might happen.

5. You can't remember the last time you watched MTV or similar stations.

I mean, I was never a regular watcher of MTV anyway, but I was at least familiar with most of the shows. There was the fifty different Real Worlds and Teen Moms, and I particularly used to enjoy Made. But the other night, my friends had to explain how Are You The One? worked, because I'd never heard of it. And while I'm at it, what in God's name is this Teen Wolf thing? I honestly thought for ages that it was a remake of Big Wolf On Campus (Just like I was convinced that Adam Brody was the lead in that show for years--TRY AND TELL ME THEY DON'T LOOK ALIKE, JUST TRY).

6. Someone at some point has suggested it's weird you still live with your parents.

Did you know in a lot of Latin countries, it's perfectly normal to live with your family until your 30s? No one ever gives them that judgey side eye followed by a condescending "Ohhh, I see!" when you tell them that yes, you are 22 and still living at home. They also believe in siestas in a lot of Latin countries. I'm beginning to wonder if I live in the right place.

7. You've ever considered using a dating app for actual dating.

I have been firmly single since I was 16 and recently started wondering if dating apps might actually help me overcome my painful shyness and crippling awkwardness around boys since it removed the whole having to get to know them in person thing. So, I quite reasonably googled some of the more popular dating apps to see which one might be the best. The true manner of dating apps finally dawned on me, however, when I was reading about Tinder.

8. You just don't get the whole selfie thing.

I'm sorry, guys. To each his own and all that, but I just don't understand the desire to take repeated pictures of my own face and post them on social media. Do I save all my favorite Snapchats of myself to my phone? I mean, I'm human after all. But the only people who see those are me and, for eight seconds, the recipient of that Snapchat.

9. All the popular, up-and-coming celebrities are younger than you.

Every time I find some new singer or actor that I think is just gorgeous, a quick Wikipedia search seems to always reveal that they are much younger. This is just weird, guys. I tried so hard to creep all the hot athletes in the Winter Olympics this year, but they were all BABIES. And don't even get me started on the day I realized that every time I watch college sports now, nine times out of ten they're going to be younger than me.

10. You don't want the latest gadgets because they sound too complicated.

When Kindles first came out, I begged my parents to get me one for my birthday. Mine finally broke last summer, and I tried in vain to find another just like it. But, just a heads up, getting a first generation Kindle is even more expensive than getting a new one. I ended up turning down a Kindle Fire this Christmas and just settling with the most basic new model, because I didn't need "all that fancy extra stuff."

11. The only parties you're attending involve celebrating weddings or births.

Ask me the best store to buy a reasonably priced bridal shower gift or get the cutest damn baby boots you have ever seen (Target, obviously) then I got your back. But you want to know where the big party is this week or what liquor store has the best deal on a keg? Ummm... I'm gonna say Jay Gatsby's. To both of those questions.

12. You begin to agree with your parents.

I have found myself multiple times in a discussion of how reckless people are when they drive and how important it is to obey the rules of the road. I've also gone on rants about how all country music sounds the same now and I don't even enjoy the new stuff anymore. Basically, if you have ever felt an urgent need to shout at someone, "LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES" then you just might be maturing.

13. You start to resent teenagers, including your past teenage self.

By my final semester of college, I became angry when I was forced to suffer freshmen in my classes. I also find myself scowling at young, giggling teens and muttering under my breath about them like a crotchety 80 year old grandpa. When that leads you to wondering if you were once like that and shuddering at the thought, it might be time to accept that you're no longer a part of that world.

It can be a rough moment when you figure out that you no longer are on the cutting edge of all the latest trends, but hey, just think of some of the benefits of outgrowing that stage of your life--you've developed your own sense of style, you know all the neatest tricks for your Galaxy S3, you've figured out how much you can drink without making an utter fool of yourself, and you can appreciate the appeal of Tom Hiddleston over Harry Styles. And, best of all, you don't care if you're cool or not anymore, because no one you know is either! So join me in kicking back, enjoying an alcoholic beverage that most youths can't legally buy, and shaking your fist at those stupid kids on your lawn.

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