17 Shakespearean Insults For Every British Occasion


17. “Thou smell of mountain goat.”

Origin: Henry V
Occasion: You offer someone the last digestive…and they say yes.

16. “You talk greasily, your lips grow foul.”

Origin: Love’s Labour’s Lost
Occasion: When every American you meet tries out their English accent on you.

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15. “That kiss is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake.”

Origin: Titus Andronicus
Occasion: When your partner comes home drunk from the pub.

14. “Have your mouth fill’d up before you open it.”

Origin: Henry VIII
Occasion: You’re surrounded by fools who insist on using the wrong pronunciation for “scone.”

13. “Thou are sick in the world’s regard, wretched and low, a poor unminded outlaw sneaking home.”

Origin: Henry V
Occasion: When faced with an inconsiderate commuter.

12. “I do desire we may be better strangers.”

Origin: As You Like It
Occasion: Someone insists on telling you their life’s story on the underground…

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11. “There is no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.”

Origin: Henry IV, Part I
Occasion: … and TFL lied to you about how long the journey would take.

10. “You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face.”

Origin: King Lear
Occasion: When you can’t cross Waterloo Bridge because tourists are too busy taking selfies to walk.

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9. “Go to hell for an eternal moment or so.”

Origin: The Merry Wives of Windsor
Occasion: Your favourite burger restaurant is infested with hipsters after an online review.

8. “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.”

Origin: Richard III
Occasion: When another one of your Facebook friends announces their engagement.

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7. “Thou art a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker…”

Origin: All’s Well that Ends Well
Occasion: When a politician breaks yet another election promise.

6. “Hide not thy poison with such sugar’d words.”

Origin: Henry IV, Part II
Occasion: When the UK is robbed of Eurovision glory because of tactical voting.

5. “Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.”

Origin: Troilus and Cressida
Occasion: The anger you experience after reading the Daily Mail.

Nickelodeon / Via giphy.com

4. “Thou monstrous injurer of heaven and earth!”

Origin: King John

20th Century Fox / Via giphy.com

3. “Bloody, bawdy villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!”

Origin: Hamlet
Occasion: When Spencer Matthews cheats on yet another one of his girlfriends.

2. “More of your conversation would infect my brain.”

Origin: Coriolanus
Occasion: Trying to stay calm when people refer to the U.S. version of House of Cards as the original.

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1. “Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage! You tallow face!”

Origin: Romeo and Juliet
Occasion: It is suggested that Piers Morgan return to British television.

BBC / Via giphy.com

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