I know that family parties involve dancing, but the only thing I can halfway manage is "the sprinkler." So while I prefer to grab my carne asada and mingle, every so often I unwittingly end up on the dance floor.
1. DAMN. The food is on point today, so much for that diet.
2. I really shouldn't get seconds...I'll just throw the plate away.
3. Of course the only trash can is past the dance floor...Fuck.
4. Okay, I got this. Just walk around the very edges, quickly and quietly.
5. So help me if I get sucked into this cumbia dance floor, I will guaranteed hurt myself somehow.
6. *Tío sees me walking and pulls me in to dance*
7. NOOOOOOOOOO. Nononononononono.
8. What did I do to deserve this? Is this karma for throwing my Snapple in the trash instead of recycling?
9. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
10. Tío, stop dancing while I'm just standing here like a babosa!
11. I thought holding my hands was supposed to guide me. Why is he moving them so much?
12. It looks like he's doing a weird CrossFit rope thing with them.
13. Does the look on my face not convey my feels right now?
14. Apparently it does, because I just got that face from mom.
15. Why is it "rude" if I don't want to dance???
16. Fine, I'll try. What's the worst that could happen?
17. I could trip over the DJ wires and somehow cause an electrical fire and burn the house down and OMG I shouldn't do this.
18. But I'm going to anyway!
19. You want me to step side to side? I can do that.
20. Apparently I cannot do that.
21. What's he saying? Why is he trying to talk while we're next to the speakers?
22. Also, why are we next to the speakers?
23. Oh, just "listen to the music"? Thanks for that revolutionary advice, tío. -_-
24. If you really loved me, you wouldn't try and make me dance.
25. A real tío would never put me through this.
26. Wait...no, they would.
27. Just focus.
28. I'm getting it! I'm actually getting it! YESSSS I AM TRULY A—GODDAMIT I'M SORRY.
29. Of course I would step on your brand new shoes. I warned you!
30. How long do we just keep stepping back and forth?
31. This is the longest song in the world and it's all happening because I didn't recycle.
Tio: "¡Mueve las caderas!"
32. *attempts to move hips* Why is he making that face?
33. Clearly I am not moving my hips correctly. I should not be expected to automatically know how to do this.
34. How does Shakira do this??? My hips are definitely telling the truth about my lack of dance skills.
35. Wait...I think I've got it. At least, I feel like I've got it?
36. YES. I CAN DO THIS.
37. And now I've managed to step on both of his shoes. Oops.
38. I think he can actually feel how awkward I am now.
39. I'm just going to say I need to pee and leave.
40. He looked relieved for me to leave too. Damn!
41. This deserves more food...and a beer. But is it worth risking the trash can trip again?
42. Of course it is. To the food!