1. In being totally prepared to go clubbing.
I was the only lady with an umbrella up in da clubs last night. No one else was prepared for weather! So reckless.
2. When she knew the best part about boxing.
My favorite part of boxing is the frequent hugging. Brief but intimate. And the Vaseline massage breaks. What a love fest.
3. When she had her priorities straight.
If you make me take my shoes off to get into your party, your floor better be made of fucking bouncy castle.
4. Demonstrating how we all hope our children will turn out.
My toddler just pointed to a picture of Beyoncé and said "Buddha" so I'm happy to confirm that he is definitely mine. 🙌
5. In explaining how to do fine dining right.
1. Open bag of frozen tots. 2. Bake said tots until burnt on outside but kind of still cold inside. 3. Serve with ranch dressing.
6. When she asked what we were all thinking.
When is the Taylor Swift squad calendar coming out again?
7. That time she made a PSA to prevent further injuries.
Just a reminder that this guy, 😓, is sweating and this guy, 😢, is crying. So get it straight before someone gets hurt.
8. When she advocated for anyone who's had to endure such a task.
Changing a diaper in a 3x3 airplane bathroom should qualify me for SEAL Team 6. #shitgetsintense #punintended
9. Sharing in the joy of the Frozen phase ending.
I'm so happy we let go of the Let It Go song.
10. Realizing that we're not all capable of a Pinterest life.
Desperate, last-minute attempt at pre-meeting yoga not going well. Head stands are NOT as easy as you all make them look. #injured #panic
11. Knowing the legal system as well as we do.
Assuming Twitter is legally binding, when I die, please wrap me in a giant ball of burrata as this is my greatest wish. Thank you.
12. Giving away the secret for why people actually want kids.
90% of the reason I birthed a child was to have a socially acceptable reason to watch Toy Story on repeat.
13. Pointing out when hipsters out-hipster themselves.
Overheard in my lovely neighborhood: "Now it's all about POST-pickling, ya know?" #brooklandia
14. This.
Nice try, 2 day old donut I microwaved back to life, you can burn the shit out of my tongue and I will still eat you with gusto.
15. Explaining the science behind jumpsuits and rompers.
No one hates jumpsuits more than bladders.
16. When she showed that cooking is a remarkable feat.
I just made a breakfast sandwich and then stood back in awe like I had discovered the cure for blindness. #smallvictories #lowstandards
17. When she appealed to all of our inner OCD-esque habits.
Whenever I walk into someone's leftover weed cloud, I feel proud of them for giving zero fucks, while I stress about color-coded trash bags.
18. Showing that height order at concerts is truly a universal desire.
You know you're old when you wish the crowd at concerts was organized by height.
19. When you have to stop and acknowledge what the world has become.
It just occurred to me that Food Pornographer is a legit job title now.
20. That moment of pure abandonment by your phone friend.
Phone dying in a car without a charger is the equivalent of drifting alone into the middle of the ocean on a tiny raft made of cardboard.
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