My name is Ariyanna and I am 2 years old. I prepared the following “guidelines” about how to eat cookies based on my first 18 months of cookie-eating experiences. Sorry it took my dad this long to write this up, but he’s a busy guy. If you follow these suggestions and rules, you will live a happier life, no matter how old you are. Who doesn’t love cookies, right?
Eat at least two cookies at the same time, one in each hand. Never less. Don’t deprive yourself.
Make Your Demands Clear
As you are devouring both cookies with crumbs avalanching down your face, demand “MORE!” even if your mouth is already full and you haven’t finished the ones in your hands yet. Cookies are your God-given right.
Consider Your Form
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme… All Kinds, All Types
The best kinds of cookies are ALL kinds of cookies. Giv’em all to me. Chocolate chip, Parle-G (world famous Indian cookies), shortbread, sugar cookies, white chocolate, chocolate covered, chocolate dipped, whatever you got. Bring ‘em on baby! I need them and they need me.
Set High Goals
Any Time, All the Time
When should cookies be eaten? Breakfast; lunch; afternoon snack; before, with, and after dinner; before bedtime – hell yeah. Cookies will not spoil your appetite, they’ll enhance it. In fact, they go great just before or even after a sippy cup of milk. Milk and cookies always go together. Cookies and me always go together.
If you want more cookies, just grunt and keep grunting until you get some more. If your grunts are ignored, grunt increasingly louder each time. If you’re still ignored, start flailing your hands in the air and throw in a scream or two. Trust me, this will work.
Sharing Is Caring
Crumbs Ain’t Your Problem
Never apologize for making a mess, whether all over the floor, all over the sofa, or all over your face. Those crumbs are not your problem. So don’t apologize for making crumbs. Someone else needs to clean them up. Your job is to eat them, that’s all.
Embrace Your Dramatic Side
If that doesn’t work, it’s time to break out the big guns – turn on your tear-switch and let those crystal droplets roll down your face. Keep dripping those little sympathy–inducing pearls until you hear those magic words: Okay, okay, okay, here you go.
This blog was originally posted on Sandeep's website here.