30 Tips To Keep In Mind When Visiting India

There are signs and lessons everywhere, you just have to see!

1. You may end up 'watching' stuff in shops, against your will.

Don't cringe Grammar Nazi, just wave and smile!

2. Don't get shot by video...

...however tempting the offer of free home delivery & pick up be!

3. Bookshops may get sections grossly confused

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PG 13 is advised, unless you are into getting children reading Artemis Fowl, up to speed on the 50 shades craze!

4. Brace yourself to be served up some evil international cuisines...

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Not just any evil, NIGHT EVIL.

PS: But we will win hands down against the international league of competition (only from China)

5. Expect some Cousing around...

... whatever that means.

6. Wash down spicy food with only the real deal

...because R.O, U.V., Sterelized & Ozonated AquaPiya is the 'real' shizznit. Move aside Aquafina, I don't even...*le sigh*

7. In case you are looking for more options on the food front

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Bonus deal: 'Catters' who serve food also match make.

PS: The text in hindi reads Rishtey hi Rishtey, humaare yahaan rishtey karaye jaate hai which roughly translates to 'Match making flurry, we get matchmaking done too!"

8. If you must, try massmelous...

...the badly spelled cousin of marshmallows.

9. In case you have laundry requirements...

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... We may just have the right man for you.

10. Beware of body fluid tasters

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(I feel for you, spelling bee, I really do.)

11. Have it known that in spite of being daredevils, spelling is not our forte.

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(Don't be fooled by the Indian origin American spelling bee champs)

12. Ummm.... it is not, You here me?!

Go home, spelling, you're drunk.

13. Philosophy of the broken-hearted, does not require spell checks

You commit-er of crime, you.

14. Grammar, besides spelling, is also not our forte

You hear me, Request, Order? Now go and get me my drink.

15. In the faint chance, that you wish to give IDENTITY to your BUSINESS while in India

.... you know who to call.

16. Rest assured, that girl's good looking face

... is just a phone call away too.

Warning: The quality of service may not be guaranteed. User discretion is advised.

17. Approach large families with caution

... they seem to be an out of control, violent lot, if Indian educational posters are anything to go by.

18. A sound body is to a sound mind...

What a sound horn is to a sound truck. True story.

19. Pay attention to caution signs...

... They may involve asses.

20. Drive with caution, behind erstwhile men.

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There may be pent up rage from the EXcessive hormones.

21. Don't try to solve the curious case of...

...Meggy, Ompliet or Chilly Bachi over tea.

22. Approach with caution, signs on the road meant for you

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... because passing distractions may turn one into a raging murderer (with ill fitting pants) of coworkers with grey blood.

23. Real taste of Gujarat...

Facebook: www.facebook.com/RidiculouslyMediocrePhotography

... lies in a MISSCALL! mobile khakhra.

24. Road signs here are also into introducing Heebie & Jeebie

... the evil doppelgangers of Tom & Jerry. (Because road signs MUST be used for important stuff like that.)

25. Street Art is ridiculously life-like...

Case in point: A muscular pig in fitted jeans, with goggles is as life like as it can get. YAAAH!

26. If you are an Indian school bus...

Your sign will be that of ghost like silhouettes of oversized children, With bouncy ponytails.

27. Roadsides are teeming with gems of world class, educative literature

... Because if you can't sent lovely and naughty SMSes, WHAT GOOD ARE YOU?

28. After obtaining books from roadside, one must head straight for the message centre

Because it's all in the deep tissu messages.

29. Little Stuff roughly translates to...

...Ginormous saxophones and stuff.

30. And last, STAY AWAY FROM THE DESSERTS...

...lest your mind be blown.