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What Your Body Parts SHOULD Be Called

You've been calling them "butts" for way too long.

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The parts of your body were named centuries ago, long before the invention of modern English (For example, the letter M wasn't part of the alphabet until an act of Congress added it in 1954.). Here's what the parts of the human anatomy deserve be called:

Why not call “fingers” what they really are: Small, tail-like flagellates useful for both grasping and slapping?
Sam74100 / Getty Images

Why not call “fingers” what they really are: Small, tail-like flagellates useful for both grasping and slapping?

Lots of body parts bend. But none do it as well as these bony, mid-leg joints.
Melodija / Getty Images

Lots of body parts bend. But none do it as well as these bony, mid-leg joints.

In the near future, the naming rights for your body parts will be up for grabs and you’d better believe the Dew is gonna get there first.
Maxim Protsenko / Getty Images

In the near future, the naming rights for your body parts will be up for grabs and you’d better believe the Dew is gonna get there first.

A 21st-century rebrand will really help eyes’ popularity in the marketplace. And, obviously, your eyes aren’t poke-proof. But calling them them poke-proof should hopefully cut down on how often they get poked.
Christopher Robbins / Getty Images

A 21st-century rebrand will really help eyes’ popularity in the marketplace. And, obviously, your eyes aren’t poke-proof. But calling them them poke-proof should hopefully cut down on how often they get poked.

This more-accurate name should help doctors locate the correct part of your body in the event of emergency tumhole surgery.
Rusn / Getty Images

This more-accurate name should help doctors locate the correct part of your body in the event of emergency tumhole surgery.

A simple update that seemingly steps on the toes (now called “bottom grasperwhips”) of another body part. But problem solved because now…
Gajus / Getty Images

A simple update that seemingly steps on the toes (now called “bottom grasperwhips”) of another body part. But problem solved because now…

A much better name for your body’s temporary poop storage.
Stevanovicigor / Getty Images

A much better name for your body’s temporary poop storage.

We’re about 25 years from evolving away from genitals entirely and into Compaq-based asexual reproduction.
Nickpo / Getty Images

We’re about 25 years from evolving away from genitals entirely and into Compaq-based asexual reproduction.

Don’t mess with a classic!
Darren Baker / Getty Images

Don’t mess with a classic!

If there are other uses for your mouth, we have outlived them as a species.
Anaado / Getty Images

If there are other uses for your mouth, we have outlived them as a species.

Which body part do you think could use a rebranding? Let us know in the comments!

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