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    Posted on Sep 24, 2014

    It's Time We Recognize "The Emperor's New Groove" As The Best Disney Movie Ever

    "Why do we even HAVE that lever?"

    Remember The Emperor's New Groove? You should, because it is the BEST Disney movie of all time.

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    That's how it is done.

    It's mainly about this guy, the Emperor Kuzco. He's really into his "groove" and he's kind of a dick, TBH.

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    I think "groove" might be a metaphor or something? This movie deals with heavy material!

    Although I guess he is kind of relatable? Because really, who wants to make deals with peasants?

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    Peasants suck, amiright?

    But then he gets turned into a llama, and that's pretty damn awesome. NO OTHER DISNEY MOVIES HAVE LLAMAS.

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    Llamas>>>fairies, that's for damn sure.

    He teams up with this guy, Pacha, to turn him back into a human. He's like, the nicest guy EVER.

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    But the whole time, the audience is left in suspense: CAN NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST?

    Unfortunately for them but FORTUNATELY for us, they hit some pretty serious roadblocks along the way.

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    *literally on the edge of my seat*

    Seriously, the drama is very, VERY real. This isn't Cinderella, that's for damn sure.

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    You can't make this stuff up.

    We also get to meet perhaps the greatest villains in Disney history, Yzma and Kronk.

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    Jafar ain't got nothing on these two.

    Yzma is downright terrifying.

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    Nothing is more scary than aging naturally, right?

    Like truly, she is the scariest Disney villain ever.

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    *SCREAMS*

    And she is a bit of a meanie. But that's what makes her cool.

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    Way to land a low blow, Yzma.

    Although, she is not *totally* heartless.

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    Treat your henchmen like you would want them to treat you!

    And she hatches the most DEVIOUS plans. Seriously, shit gets REAL.

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    How did she come up with this?!?!

    Kronk, on the other hand, isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

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    Way to go, Kronk.

    And Yzma isn't afraid to remind him of that.

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    THE DRAMA.

    But Kronk has a good heart. He's probably the best Disney henchman ever.

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    You know I am right.

    I mean, REALLY.

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    DAWWWWWW.

    Just look at how he acts under pressure!

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    Could any of the hyenas from The Lion King do that? I THINK NOT.

    But sometimes... SOMETIMES... Yzma and Kronk work well together. And watching their evil hijinks unfold is truly a life-altering experience.

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    Wow. I can feel the evil TOO.

    Well, sort of.

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    Actually, not really. At all.

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    Regardless, we love them.

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    Because they're fabulous AND evil.

    Anyway, like I said, this movie is filled with incredibly dramatic moments.

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    *reaches for tissues*

    Moments of triumph...

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    ... Moments of teamwork...

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    ... And moments of despair.

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    And also this joke, for all of you cinephiles out there.

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    Get it?

    Plus it has a happy ending for everyone... except for Yzma, who is turned into an itty bitty kitty.

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    And who doesn't like happy endings???

    How it didn't win an Oscar is beyond me.

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    HIGHWAY ROBBERY.

    I'd say it's time to brush up on your squirrel and watch The Emperor's New Groove right now.

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    Because yeah, it's the best Disney movie ever.

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