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People Are Losing Their Shit Because Ryan Lochte GTFO Of Brazil

Just Lochte being Lochte.

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In perhaps the least surprising news ever, US swimmer Ryan Lochte is embroiled in some ~messy drama~ with the Brazilian government after he claimed he and three of his teammates were robbed at gunpoint in Rio over the weekend.

Harry How / Getty Images

The government is disputing the claims and says that Lochte and his teammates' stories don't add up. On Wednesday night, Brazilian authorities removed Gunnar Bentz and Jack Conger from a plane bound for the US, and James Feigen was "also communicating with local authorities." But Lochte had already left the country and was back in the US by the time his teammates were detained.

Naturally, people on the internet had a field day with the developing story:

1. First, there was this truth:

I would rather watch Ryan Lochte being interrogated by Brazilian police than like 90% of Olympic sports.

2. And then this "exclusive footage" of the swimmer fleeing South America:

Exclusive footage of Ryan Lochte leaving Brazil


3. Here's what people thought Lochte pictured Rio to be before he visited:

Ryan Lochte thought Rio was gonna be like this

4. And the fact he's basically a stereotype of himself at this point:

Ryan Lochte saying "Whatever" to the guy robbing him at gunpoint is the most Ryan Lochte thing to ever happen

5. Which leads us to this:

Gonna be pretty disappointed if it turns out Ryan Lochte didn't actually say "whatever" upon being held at gunpoint

6. Maybe Lochte is a criminal mastermind:

JULY 2016 CRIME BUNKER RYAN LOCHTE: Messieurs, a toast. The seeds of my public subterfuge will soon blossom into the crime of the century!


7. Crazier things have happened:

Ryan Lochte at the end of The Usual Suspects, except instead of his limp going away he reads a book

8. People are already calling for TV adaptations:

This Ryan Lochte story is just a few missing details away from being an episode of Law & Order: SVU.

9. Or maybe a movie:

Maybe Ben Affleck can Argo Ryan Lochte and his swimming buddies out of Brazil.

10. Actually, this SOUNDS like a movie we know:

ryan lochte is just confused cause he got sucked into an aquarium filter when he was a baby fish and he can't remember his parents


11. Others questioned why he would not be telling the truth:

I feel like Ryan Lochte just didn't want to tell his mother that he lost his wallet at "a spa"

12. Some called for government intervention:

Forget ISIS: It's time to put the full resources of the intelligence community into figuring out this Ryan Lochte situation.

13. People were just living for the ~drama~:

I can't decide if I want to know THE FULL TRUTH about Ryan Lochte right now or just have it doled out to me in episodes like a morphine drip

14. Important questions were asked:


15. So someone had this genius idea:

The Ryan Lochte @serial is going to be good.

16. And naturally, our favorite late gorilla from the Cincinnati Zoo had to get involved:

"harambe, you're alive! but how?" "tell no one ryan lochte, the fate of the world depends on it. just make up a story."