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Here's What Happens When Rihanna Kidnaps You

S.O.S., please someone help me!

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Hi, my name is Sam, and last night, I was kidnapped to watch the premiere of Rihanna's "Bitch Better Have My Money" music video. THIS...is my story.

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So here's where it begins: I was invited to an event — run by Tidal, Jay-Z's streaming service — that somehow involved Rihanna.

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That's pretty much all I knew about my evening, officially titled "TidalXRihanna," aside from the event was supposed to run from 7-10 p.m. and I had a reserved parking spot, which I was very stoked about. I didn't know what was going to happen, who was going to be there (though I *assumed* Rihanna because like, DUH), or if I was going to eat dinner (what, I was hungry?!). I truly was going in blind, and of course my mind was racing and coming up with scenarios where I might be partying with BadGalRiRi. But wouldn't you do the same?

The first question I had when I got to the event was, "What am I getting myself into?"

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The evening started at a nondescript office building in West Hollywood. It was pretty much the exact OPPOSITE of where you would expect BadGalRiRi to show up, but whatever. There, we were served food — pizza and chicken wings, etc., aka the type of stuff Rihanna probably eats after passing that blunt. This is ALSO where the night took its first big turn: WE HAD TO HAND IN OUR CELL PHONES. Yup, no phones were allowed for the event.

But that was just the start.

We then had to take buses to LEAVE the first location.

Getty Images for Tidal

We weren't told where we were going, and for a large part of the ride, we were blindfolded. I felt like I was on the Fifty Shades of Grey bus or something. Along the way, we also played Rihanna trivia and guess the lyrics. Also, I totally tried to peak out of my blindfold to figure out where we were going, but the only thing I could figure was we were headed downtown. I'M SORRY RIHANNA, PLEASE DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME!!!

The REAL event location was a really, really creepy dollhouse.

We were dropped off at Bob Baker Marionette Theater in Downtown L.A. (once I removed my blindfold, I was able to figure this out by the large sign saying "Bob Baker Marionette Theater" #blessed). The inside was something straight out of American Horror Story, but in a super cool way: There were creepy dolls hanging everywhere, the lighting was really eerie, and we STILL didn't have our cell phones. If Rihanna murdered us all right there, I wouldn't have even been able to get a selfie with her!

Then it happened.

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Four hours after the evening began, the curtains FINALLY went up in the marionette theater, and the "Bitch Better Have My Money" video debuted. It was epic, but you probably already know that.

And YUP, Rihanna showed up.

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Probably the worst-kept secret of the entire evening was Rihanna was GOING to show up at some point. It really was a matter of "when" and not "if." After the video played, Rihanna emerged to work the crowd. AND THE WAIT WAS FINALLY WORTH IT! She threw fat stacks at the audience, and then a cannon on the ceiling shot even MORE money at the crowd. I grabbed eight singles — drinks on me this weekend, courtesy of Rihanna?

And BadGalRiRi just was straight chillin' with us.

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After the video premiered, we exited the theater for more drinks. And Rihanna being Rihanna, she was down to party too. As she entered the room, I actually cheersed her — like we clinked drinks — and she proceeded to dance and take a group shot with the entire room. Basically, Rihanna seems chill AF.

But before we knew it, she was gone.

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Our phones were returned to us, and the night was over — five hours after it started, LOL. And that's the story of how I was kidnapped by Rihanna.

Be sure to check out the super NSFW, super epic video for "Bitch Better Have My Money" here:

View this video on YouTube

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