1. This accurate summary of every episode of the series:
every ep of Queer Eye bobby: your house is blue and grey now antoni: do you like dip tan: patterned shirt, french tuck jonathan: literally just wash your face karamo: FACE YOUR DEMONS
2. Or maybe this one, which really does Bobby justice:
Karamo: I had a chat with them about confidence! Jonathan: I took them for a haircut! Antoni: I taught them how to make guacamole! Tan: I bought them a pair of dress shoes! Bobby: I DESIGNED, BUILT AND DECORATED A TWO STORY HOUSE WITH MY TWO BARE HANDS SOMEONE HELP ME #QueerEye
3. Like, let's just say Bobby earns his paycheck and THEN some:
Antoni’s budget: $40 Karamo’s budget: $25 Tan’s budget: $300 Jonathan’s budget: $50 Bobby’s budget: $45,000 #QueerEye
4. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, because the Fab Five are EQUALLY amazing and will have you in tears:
JVN: *cuts their hair beautifully* Me: 😭 Tan: *french tuck* Me: 😭 Bobbi: *fluffs a pillow* Me: 😭 Antoni: *peels an egg* Me: 😭 Karamo: *does anything* Me: 😭 #queereye
5. This video of what Antoni would sound like making sneaker recommendations (WE LOVE YOU ANTONI):
Antoni at Footlocker
6. Bobby's job vs. Antoni's job, Part One:
every Queer Eye hero when Bobby completely renovates everything in their entire home vs. when Antoni serves a plate of cut-up grapefruit https://t.co/sB5FB0liYb
7. Bobby's job vs. Antoni's job, Part Two:
[queer eye] Bobby: I remodeled your entire home, cleaning out 20 years of clutter and hand-made new, thoughtful pieces of furniture for your family Antoni: look, now you know how to make 1 appetizer
8. Bobby's job vs. Antoni's job, Part Three:
absolutely nothing is funnier to me than the fact that queer eye dedicates about five minutes of each episode to antoni cutting an avocado and around 15-20 seconds to bobby literally building a house
9. Bobby's job vs. Antoni's job, Part Four:
so queer eye is just continuing the tradition of 45 minutes of Antoni chopping an egg and calling it an appetizer and 12 seconds of Bobby building a literal house
10. Seriously, we love all the guys on the show and they work hard AF, but Bobby deserves a special shoutout:
Me, in passing to Queer Eye Bobby at the pub: yeah I like the ocean Bobby, yelling at me in my kitchen a week later: look at this Barrier Reef mural in your living room! i replaced all your plumbing with salt water, permanently. you must sleep in a giant clam now
11. He REALLY goes the extra mile:
The five Queer Eye categories are culture, hair, food, clothes, and Congratulations You Won $200,000 In Home Furnishings On The Price Is Right.
12. Like, I think ALL of us would be down for a visit from Bobby:
Nominating my roommate to be on Queer Eye. She dresses fine, I just want new living room furniture.
13. Bobby 4 President, TBH:
queer eye is the most efficient home makeover show of all time where other shows perseverate on some issue with the crown molding for days bobby redoes an entire house in a week and changes lives and never says anything except voila here's your new life
14. ALSO BECAUSE THINGS TEND TO GET A LITTLE EMOTIONAL WHEN HE'S AROUND:
So in the second episode of #QueerEye I was crying over wood panelling. What is happening???
15. Tan's job in a nutshell:
My favourite part of Queer Eye is when they’re explaining how they don’t have a job, haven’t brushed their teeth for 5 years and their life’s falling apart and Tan just tells them to do a french tuck
16. Seriously, he will change your life and the way you wear a shirt:
Started watching the new season of @QueerEye last night. Cried (obviously) and now french tucking all over the place. It really is a life changing show.
17. Now let's talk about how we most certainly need this spinoff of the show:
oceans 8 but with the cast of queer eye
18. Also, how about adding a new cast member to the show?
I’m the new sixth member of queer eye and all I do is scroll through your twitter follows list and say things like “ooh he’s kinda problematic” and “they haven’t been funny since 2016”
19. But to be fair, not everything the show portrays is exactly realistic:
As always, my critique of Queer Eye is that it perpetuates the dangerous myth that straight men can be fixed.
20. This celebration of the gay magic of the show:
Fun fact: Queer Eye is the gay military and it’s compulsory. Eventually we’ll all be called to serve. I did three tours as the “culture” guy and made thousands of chore walls along the way.
21. Seriously, these men are friggin' unicorns and we don't deserve them:
imagine five gays showing up at your house and making your shitty life awesome in 36 hours, can someone sign me up for queer eye so i can learn how to be non toxically masculine
22. AND THEY WILL DIG DEEP:
If one of the queer eye guys offers you a ride in that damn truck be careful because you’re about to HEAL FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA READY OR NOT
23. When you're single and have this big realization:
the only reason to get a boyfriend is to eventually have the queer eye fab five step in
24. Because this is what will happen to your man:
men on queer eye after they get their makeover and are excited to show their lady partner the new lewk:
25. Let's pause and reflect on this dream job:
i want to be on queer eye only so i can come into some straight mans home and make fun of them and all of their stuff and point out everything they're doing wrong except i just leave after that and don't help out with anything
26. And finally, these six words which are truer than anything I've ever read before in my entire life:
Netflix and Chill < Queer Eye and Cry