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24 Secrets Perpetually Single People Won't Tell You

You're basically dating yourself.

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1. Finishing a bottle of wine isn't ACTUALLY as hard as it sounds...

Who wants to share anyway?

2. ... and neither is meeting the delivery minimum.


There's a $20 minimum? Guess I'm getting the fried rice!

3. Your thumbs WILL get sore from swiping so many people on Tinder...


And swiping late into the night will become your version of counting sheep.

4. ... and you don't even need to look past the first picture to know if they're a match.

Mirror pic? Left. Gun pic? Left. Dog pic? Right.

5. You don't really save any money on Valentine's Day because you spend what you WOULD spend on your S.O. on yourself. / Via


6. Having your bed to yourself is truly the best — THE BEST — thing in the entire world.

I prefer sleeping diagonally, anyway.

7. You've perfected the art of doing things by yourself, like going to the movies...

Fox Searchlight

I'm dating myself, OK?

8. ... or eating out alone. / Via

And you won't have to worry about taking off the person's hand that tries to eat from your plate.

9. Deep down, you don't mind going to weddings, even if you're stuck at the singles table. BECAUSE OPEN BAR.

Bravo / Via

And hey, free dinner!

10. Maybe the BEST part about being single is you can be as weird as you want at home... and no one will judge you.

Zero fucks given.

11. You aren't *really* that worried about the possibility of becoming a crazy cat lady.

Plus, cats are awesome.

12. Not having to share your food ALWAYS trumps having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Gimme dat personal pizza.

13. Same goes for watching whatever you damn please on Netflix.



14. Putting together Ikea furniture by yourself isn't easy... but it also isn't impossible.

And when you finish building that bed frame you'll feel like a total champ.

15. TMI, but you definitely don't wash your sheets or towels enough.


I mean, I've been the only one sleeping on them...

16. Also, not shaving in certain areas feels pretty fucking good...

Old Spice /

Screw shaving my legs.

17. ... and getting ready is a BREEZE because fuck it, who are you really trying to impress?


Can I wear my sweatpants out?

18. Sometimes, you'll get worried about never having kids... and then you'll see someone with kids, and that worry totally disappears.

*sees crying child*

*runs away*

19. You've learned the hard way that there's nothing worse than third wheeling with your friends in relationships...


Am I still a third wheel if I bring my boyfriend Jack Daniels?

20. ... and thusly when you go out, you MUST travel in packs of other perpetually single people, AKA a thirst horde.


Single people UNITE.

21. You've actually marked pictures of couples on Facebook as "offensive"...


Take your PDA somewhere else PLEASE.

22. ... and you ONLY like engagement pictures on social media out of passive-aggressive rage.



23. Your body has physically tuned out any questions from your mom about your relationship status.


"Honey, when are you going to find a boyf..."


24. And most important of all, your sex life is actually pretty decent because it's literally in your hands.



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