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    24 Tweets About Food That Will Make You Pee From Laughing So Hard

    Come hungry, leave laughing.

    1. This accurate summary of what Food Network shows are actually like:

    Me on food network: "I made a puréed nut spread w/ a grape relish reduction paired w/ brioche bun"

    2. Literally the meatiest pun you'll ever find:

    a steak pun is a rare medium well done

    3. This formal introduction:

    Pleasure to meet you. The name's...

    4. "Bone app the teeth":

    just made some cornbread, bone app the teeth

    5. This breakfast competition:

    I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat.

    6. This truth about fortune cookies:

    Fortune Cookie: YOU JUST BROKE MY HOUSE IN HALF AND NOW YOU'RE READING MY JOURNAL

    7. This Subway joke:

    I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.

    8. And this one too:

    Ladies call me Subway because I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches

    9. This unfortunate mix-up:

    10. This missed opportunity:

    .@Pringles HOW IS THIS A PUN. YOU COULD'VE HAD "PRINGLE BELLS" OR "MERRY CRISPMAS" YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS

    11. This wannabe candy:

    12. This proof sexting and caffeine don't mix:

    We just received a DM that just said "Wanna fuck?" and then a link. We cannot fuck anybody. We are a coffee shop.

    13. This fruit-tastic pun:

    [at SunMaid farms with a guy] Guy: so is this a date? Girl:... No? These are raisins

    14. This profound realization:

    Honestly thought someone was just super excited about the drinks machine

    15. This perfect coincidence:

    16. The perfect after-work cocktail:

    17. This important simile:

    Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing

    18. This historic tidbit:

    hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine

    19. This tweet about pancakes:

    do you want to have a few pancakes, you wuss, or do you want to get real

    20. This truth about avocados:

    Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted

    21. This tweet about avocados, too:

    *whispers to an avocado* "I'm the good kind of fat, too."

    22. The truth behind the grossest vegetable:

    It's called "celery" because "cold, wet plant bones" takes too long.

    23. This incredible cinnamon roll:

    why my cinnamon role look like ET bus a nut

    24. And finally, this picture that accurately describes anyone who has enjoyed food ever:

    8 hours after you started your new diet, then realized the Lord made you and ur body in his image & doesn't make mi… https://t.co/VKShIkmMqj