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27 Hilarious NSFW Tweets That Will Make You Feel Bad For Laughing, But Whatever

You might be a bad person for laughing at these, but you're not alone.

1. We're not here to kinkshame, but maybe the New York City subway system took things a little too far here:

2. This play on words that is too funny not to laugh at:

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

3. When you get a new pet under "interesting" circumstances:

4. This mashup between Scottish Twitter and Disney Princesses:

Why does somebody not know how to flush a toilet after they've hadda SHET? WELL IT WAS FOOKIN ONE OF YAHS! DISGOOSTENG!

5. This truth that may or may not apply to you:

who masturbates for pleasure anymore? we out here masturbating to sleep

6. This episode pitch for Queer Eye is so absurd it will make you chuckle, at the very least:

I want the Queer Eye guys to come to my apartment and just beat the absolute shit out of me

7. Bet you didn't see where this tweet was going:

“toxic” is such a meaningless word now. made a dodgy joke in 1998? you’re toxic. forgot to say “bless you” after someone sneezed? you’re toxic. the taste of your lips i’m on a ride? you’re toxic i’m slippin’ under

8. This seriously metal idea for a Happily Ever After:

9. When your brain turns to mush because you've spent too much time online:

when i successfully persuaded my toddler to brush his teeth i said "we stan a minty legend" because twitter has destroyed my brain

10. Seriously, this is most of us if we ever committed a crime:

judge: how do u plead? spill the tea sis😌 defendant: all tea all shade? i hid the body😌💅🏼 judge: omg sis ur cancelled and that’s that on THAT😌💋


[sexting] me: i am going to CANCEL that pussy, sis girl: wig...

12. Just try to picture this scenario without cracking up:

[during sex] her: i want you to hurt me me: your sister’s more successful than you her: wait me: not a big fan of the new haircut her: stop

13. When you were too young to be listening to certain music, but that didn't stop you from rocking out:

Akon: I see you winding and grinding up on that pole I know you see me loooking at you and I want you to know 10 year old me: I WANNA FUCK YOU

14. It's probably bad to laugh at this one too, but you're going to do it anyway:

15. Yep, this one too:

16. This one goes out to all the gays:

17. Seriously, just try to not giggle:

18. And one more for the gays (let's hope this one is true):

gay sex is a sin but so is premarital sex so if you have gay premarital sex the sins cancel out like pemdas

19. This hilarious misunderstanding:

in my tinder bio i mention that i have an MFA and i’m

20. This kinky idea:

21. Somehow we've made it thus far without making a sugar daddy joke, but that ends here:

You either die a sugar baby or live long enough to see yourself become the daddy

22. And how about another one for good measure:

I don’t want a sugar daddy but maybe like a sugar buddy. I just hit him up like “Hey how are you today?” and he replies “Doing great thanks for asking here’s $7,000. “

23. When the sass gets a little out of hand:

my mom said "what are y'all gonna do when I die and leave?" and my sister said "Bitch imma do me" lmaaaooooo I hate this house

24. OK, try to picture this insane scenario without cracking up:

spiked seltzer water seems like such an innocent and refreshing beverage until you’re laying by the pool at 11:30 AM on a sunday screaming fleetwood mac while your neighbors are getting home from church

25. And this one too:

i’m at someone’s house and this tall as shit guy just snorted a line off the top of the refrigerator

26. And definitely this unfortunate scene:

27. And last but not least, this heartwarming love story that somehow involves projectile vomiting and a ferris wheel:

my cousin went to pride years ago and threw up on someone on a ferris wheel- fast forward 10 years, him and his husband were talking about pride and his husband told him a story about when he was thrown up on at pride- my cousin threw up on his husband 5 years before they met

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