You’re like, totes a natural blonde.You dye your hair blonde.You’re hot (DUH, of course you are.)You’re so hot, people ask you why you aren’t an actor or actress.Or a model.You’re like, so popular.You can’t help it that you’re popular.You own a small dog.Pink is your favorite color, obvi.Someone has called you “Marilyn,” “Barbie,” or some other famous blonde’s name.People are always jealous of you for just being you. Ugh.You don’t just love to have fun. You LOVE to have fun.Admittedly, you’re the life of the party.That’s because like, you have an AMAZING personality.Or, you might be an ice-cold bitch. Like, whatever.People make fun of you for being blonde.You’ve had a blonde moment this week.You’ve had a blonde moment today. Whatevs.You’ve had several blonde moments today.You’ve used “having a blonde moment” as an excuse before.You use a special shampoo and conditioner for your hair because your hair is SPECIAL.You know the difference between “blonde” and “blond.”Maybe you’re the “blonde” one in your friend group.Or maybe most of your friends are blonde.You’ve considered dying your hair a different color.Then you realized that would be silly, because you already have the best hair color in the world.That’s because blondes do it better.You’ve actually used the phrase, “Blondes do it better.”Also, you’ve used the phrase, “Blondes have more fun.”That’s because you know blondes actually DO have more fun.Iced coffee is your drink of choice, because it's totes lo-cal.Unless you’re drinking Diet Coke.Or white wine, for when you want to let loose.You’d rather be partying than at the library or work.You’d rather be at the beach than at the library or work.Actually, you’d rather be anywhere in the world than at the library or work.Your hair is a different color during the summer.You LOVE the summer, because your hair looks so different.People ask whether your hair color is real or not.You’ve been told by someone that they would pay to have hair like yours.You’ve gotten away with something because you are blonde.People have been surprised when you say something smart.You get pissed when people assume you are a dumb blonde. Like, ew!You’ve had to make it clear to someone that you are not a “dumb blonde.” As if!Someone has made a dumb blonde joke at your expense.You have laughed at said joke, even though it wasn’t funny, because you’re better than that. Over it!That being said, you’ve made a few dumb blonde jokes of your own.But really, you’re more than just a pretty face.You’re Team Jen. Like, HELLO.You just cannot understand people who are Team Angelina.You have a strong opinion on people who dye their hair blonde.Especially celebrities.And especially Miley Cyrus.You know that strawberry isn’t just a fruit, ash isn’t just a tree, and honey isn’t just something bees make.You do that thing where you toss your hair for dramatic effect.You totally * get * Regina George.Also, “Legally Blonde” speaks to you on a different level.Also, “Clueless” does too.You take pride in being a Marilyn and not a Jackie.Someone has touched your hair because it is blonde.You’ve dressed up as a bunny for Halloween.You say “like” a lot.Also, “whatever.”“Whatever” is your preferred response in most situations.Sometimes, you “can’t even.”Or maybe you “literally can’t even.”You also like to abbreviate words, like “whatevs.”Also, “totes.”And you punctuate your sentences with “ugh” a lot. Like, “Ugh, whatevs!”Also, you laugh a lot.People ask if you’re from California ALL the time.You’re actually from California.You’ve been surfing.You have driven a convertible.You own an iPhone.It’s a white iPhone, because DUH.It’s hard to find someone to date who is as attractive as you.There are always going to be haters.But that’s fine. They’re all just jealous they’re not blonde like you.You know that blonde is more than just a hair color. It’s a lifestyle.