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27 Secrets Hogwarts Students Won't Tell You

How do they manage their mischief?

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1. Receiving your letter from Hogwarts — even if you're from a wizarding family and know it is coming — is truly a magical experience.

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2. There is nothing — NOTHING — in the world like visiting Diagon Alley for the first time.

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3. But buying your wand at Ollivanders is actually a TERRIFYING experience.

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4. The best way to pass time on the Hogwarts Express is to spend as many of your Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts on the trolley lady.

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5. The Sorting Hat is actually kind of a dick.

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6. Gryffindors are pompous assholes...

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7. ...Ravenclaws are geeky nerds...

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8. ...and Slytherins turn into Death Eaters...

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9. ...Which means your best bet is probably to get sorted into Hufflepuff.

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10. The easiest way to be a cool kid is to make your house Quidditch team.

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11. Filch may be the one who doles out the punishment, but the one you REALLY have to watch out for is Mrs. Norris.

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12. Even if they say they don't, pretty much every witch (and some wizards) has a crush on Cedric Diggory.

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13. Care of Magical Creatures is a great course to take, so long as you're willing to put your life on the line every class.

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14. Always, ALWAYS stay on the Weasley twins' good side.

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15. It's usually a good idea to keep your distance from whoever is currently holding the Defense Against the Dark Arts position.

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16. No magic spell can prevent you from gaining the First-Year 15 from all the good food in the Great Hall.

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17. Dumbledore may look eccentric, even crazy at times, but he ALWAYS has the situation under control.

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18. Butterbeer is delicious, but if you REALLY want to have a good time, you'll go for the Firewhiskey.

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19. Paying a visit to the Forbidden Forest may *sound* badass and exciting on paper, but you really should avoid it at all costs.

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20. Avoid taking class with Hermione Granger because she will DESTROY the curve.

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21. It's a good idea to leave for class early; you never know when Peeves, one of the paintings, or the staircases will give you trouble.

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22. Only dweebs buy toads or cats; you're best off getting an owl.

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23. Professor McGonagall may be strict and you NEVER want to get on her bad side, but she is the most badass professor at Hogwarts.

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24. On the other hand, Snape is a straight-up asshole, unless you're a Slytherin.

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25. If you need to hook up with a fellow student, the Room of Requirement is usually your best bet.

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26. Slytherin will always win the House Cup, unless Harry Potter is enrolled, in which case Gryffindor will win.

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27. And finally, no one — NO ONE — thought any amount of magic could turn Neville Longbottom into the total babe that he became.

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