1. Is that an iPhone charger that I can borrow in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?
2. Dang, you’re so beautiful you look just like the cactus on my kitchen window: SUCCULENT.
3. Are you the economy and am I a Baby Boomer? Because I’m going to wreck you.
4. You’re so pretty, the Snapchat beauty filter would actually make you look worse.
5. Is it OK if I call you “Stranger Things”? Because you’re an 11 in my book.
6. You seem more like the LYFT than the Uber type, because you’re going to get the tip — and more.
7. You make my heart inflate more than those unicorn floaties everyone has on Instagram.
8. All relationships are transactional, so do you want to Venmo?
9. I’ll stay with you longer than you’ve got student loans.
10. When did it hurt more: When you fell from heaven, or when you were turned down from an entry level job for not having 3-5 years of experience?
11. Can I call you Nitro Cold Brew? Because you’re making me shake uncontrollably?
12. Do you want the wifi password? It’s DATE_ME.
13. Want to Netflix & Chill? I have my friend’s cousin’s college roommate’s password.
14. Looking at you makes my head spin more than when I try to figure out how to sign up for health insurance.
15. I’ll call you avocado, because you’re toast — and get ready to be SPREAD.
16. Looks like your rent isn’t the only thing that’s rising out of control tonight.
17. You make my cheeks blush pinker than a $5 bottle of rose from Trader Joe’s.
18. I’d like to borrow you for an evening — and also your HBOGo password because I need to catch up on Game of Thrones.
19. Are you my Spotify Discover Weekly playlist, because I want to just save you.
20. You must be a 401k because all I want to do is SIGN UP. Also an employer match would be nice.
21. My feelings for you are more complicated than the instructions to set up IKEA’s Malm bed frame.
22. You must be a can of Pamplemousse LaCroix, because you’ve got me feeling bubbly inside.
23. Unlike basic cable, I wouldn’t mind spending money on you.
24. Want a good reason to get off your family’s cell phone plan? It’s me.
25. Why should you date me? I’m like that outfit from ASOS you’re wearing: cute-looking, budget friendly, and if you don’t like me you can return me after 90 days.
26. You remind me of millennial pink, because I want to see you EVERYWHERE.
27. I’m better than SoulCycle, because you can spend 45 minutes riding me — FOR FREE.
28. You’re like Warby Parkers, because when I’m with you I finally see clearly.
29. You’re like the chokers all the girls are wearing ‘cause dang you’re tight!
30. Do you work in a fair trade, single origin coffee shop? Because you can grind my beans.
31. Is your name Whole Foods, because I’m about to drop my whole paycheck on you.