Everyone knows there are good tweets, and then there are tweets that are so premium, you can't help but send them to your friends because you can't imagine life without them. This is a list of those types of tweets.
1. Like this lookalike that had me cackling:
2. And this very valid rationale behind drinking booze:
cons of drinking alcohol: -liquifies your insides the next day -sometimes makes you sad for no reason -tastes like garbage -brain has to reboot for the next 48 hours -literally poison -could actually kill you pros of drinking alcohol: -fun juice makes me go haha have fun
3. This drinking-related tweet, as well:
Bartender: “leave it open?” Me: “nah, close it” *5min later* Me: https://t.co/tjlcNqNGnp
4. When gay porn actually applies to real life:
Me putting on my black denim jeans fresh out of the dryer.
5. Getting this bread, Part One:
I DONT WANNA GET THIS BREAD ANYMORE IM TIRED
6. Getting this bread, Part Two:
waking up and realizing you gotta get this bread for another 40 years
7. And finally: Getting this bread, Part Three:
i texted my dad saying “happy monday let’s get this bread”. his response was “i can go to Costco after work”. amazing
8. When that guy from that Netflix movie got clocked and it had me rolling:
bitch you’re an actor https://t.co/9PMm3ceMy0
9. This very valid point:
So what, I want to have kids with Rihanna https://t.co/0Wj7z3iINL
10. Raise your hand if you are the same:
I’ll admit I’ve done some questionable things in my time but I’ve never posted a story to Facebook
11. This tweet about Halloween that was so good I sent it to my manager AND my manager's manager:
jamie lee curtis been eating activia DAILY since 2010 bitch michael meyers ain't stand no chance
12. Being alive in 2018, explained in one tweet:
me transitioning from 2018 to 2019
13. Realizing what your childhood cartoons were REALLY about:
Scooby Doo was tryna teach us young that monsters and ghosts aren’t real and what we need to be scared of is white men and their many masks and tricks!
14. I almost failed high school biology, and even I thought this tweet was funny:
cells be like o fuck it mitosis time o 0 8 oo
15. When you realize how much Kris Jenner has REALLY accomplished:
this lady birthed 5 girls that had no actual real talent and then marketed them all into multi millionaires. legendary https://t.co/FvHeZqxoKT
16. When you realize you might be a communist:
cashier: that’ll be $19.99 me, with a crisp twenty dollar bill in my pocket: ok cashier: plus tax me: https://t.co/dpr8VoQaRw
17. This made me tear up a bit, I got so nostalgic:
I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom/fridge/bedroom in a single ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ONNNNNN” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.
18. And this one took me back too:
Remember when Mom would make Mickey Mouse pancakes and we'd be all, "yes, bitch, you're outrageous!"
19. When whoever was running the Daily Mail's Twitter account took the day off:
Makes sense. They’re their parents https://t.co/PbNgJ61tju
20. The Bible, but if it were written in stan language:
God: Noah come here Noah: What’s the tea, sis? God: I’m sick of all of you; I’m deleting the earth Noah: Wig God: You can live, though. Build a huge boat Noah: I. Am. SHAKING! God: And bring two of every animal with you Noah: Weird flex but ok
21. What you REALLY mean:
“I’ll see” = I’m not coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a second thought, only remembered because you asked again
22. All of us performing our civic responsibility, even in extreme situations:
Me during a home invasion and the burglar tells me they haven’t registered to vote
23. And when you're horny for democracy:
[watching porn] god I hope she is registered to vote
24. Finally, this advice from a grandma that is so good and SO real:
called my grandma asking for boy advice and she told me “if you have enough time in your schedule to worry about him, you should take another class.” my grandma serves her tea boiling
Hope you enjoyed these as much as my friends and I did! Ta-ta for now!
